Cushna came to visit me the other night! He is such a loving spirit, and I wondered why his presence was with me?
I have had a desire to teach children art, but I don't want to harm their souls, and I don't want to clock up more compensation on my soul in choosing actions that are out of harmony with love. So I have been tentatively teaching art with some children !!! I am afraid of harming them from the unhealed emotions, and myself, as in clocking up more Karma (compensation & more things to be remorseful about!!
But I do need to take some sort of action on my desires!
I have a small art class that is having a break at the moment for me to work through some emotions, and for the children to decide if they do actually want the art classes, and that it is not just the mother's wanting this for the children, as there is some behavioural things going on, being reflected at both me and the parents of the children, and some addictions wanting to be played out, unloving actions & demands from the older children.
So there is still a great deal for me to work through in my out of whack beliefs, a bit more desire to do it though, less desire to harm, and learning how I act in harmony with Love.
I have been feeling like spending some more time with Cushna, who is a Celestial Spirit who particularly loves children, and is a caring person who teaches people who have a desire to help others, who is a teacher in a book "Through The Mists" (R J Lees ), learning alongside the other wonderful spirit who channelled the book through RJ Lees (a medium) from 1860's.
At the moment, in the book, we have all just visited a lady Marie (another spirit, as we are in the spirit world), after 20yrs of being trapped in a jealous rage and finally could not stand the emotional state of pain any longer, is in the state of repentance for what she has done in her jealousy to other people, during her life. She recounts her storey so emotionally! Working through her feelings, speaking out loud and admitting what she has done, taking ownership what she has done, seeing & feeling different aspects of why she did it, feeling the remorse of what she has done, and then as the emotions move through her as a bodily experience, she falls in a heap and rests, another beautiful spirit ministers to her, and we all leave.
Each time Cushna brings somebody who wants to learn how to help others, she is one of the people that they get to visit. Every time she recounts what has happened, she is fully connected to the experience of it, and fully connecting to her sorrow, it helps her to forget it bit by bit! Until one day, all of it will be gone from her!
So I thank the BlogSpot for helping me to speak out loud....to use my own voice to own what I have done, and I thank you for being my silent visitor!!
This has really touched me, reading this about Marie, and looking at my own life! When I thought that my guides have not been with me, when I have been in my "pits of feelings, my yuckies, my dark side, and dark spirits, my self punishment, & finally my remorse...I realise now, this I feel is what I have been ever so SLOWLY working through my self, and with my guides watching & waiting with great care, each time patiently waiting for me to keep feeling my remorse bit by bit, working though the different reasons why, what caused me to have no care for another's life, to take it as if it was nothing, and it was mine to do that! Silently helping to guide me towards things to help me leading the way, when my will & intuition allow it!
My belief in my error, that what I believed to be true! FEAR, my ruler, my God.
A thin line, remorse & self punishment! The remorse helps the soul heal, the self punishment harms the soul and helps me to stay in an addiction, a belief in that I am so BAD that I will never be able to have inner peace EVER (around the abortion issue, , I have had a friend reflect to me that, she would never be able to live with herself ( she has never had an abortion herself) and she feels sorry for me because she believes I will never be able to make peace with myself, she did say it is between myself & my maker..... I wanted to rebel against this, my Law of Attraction, and pretend that I don't really believe that I would never find peace! Or be forgiven ! Sometimes people speak out loud to you what you don't want to hear that your own soul is saying to you. Some times though, it is the voices of spirits, taunting you, wanting you to stay in a hopeless direction, and what they themselves believe! But whose ever voice it is, it is telling you something about yourself, leading you somewhere into discovery of what is in your soul unnoticed or being ignored by you!
That really helped me to see my own self persecution! Of the punishment that I had decided in my error, that I deserved never to find peace for what I have done deserved never to be forgiven!
I can still feel that I have some emotions & errors around cruelty to others out of resentment of not being treated well, and expectations of others to learn the lessons of love, so as not to harm me.
And wanting to treat others as lesser than me, in resentment of being treated like I am lesser than others, to avoid the grief.
So I need to be humble if I can, and stay away from children I teach, when I am not.
In the past, working through emotions of not having had the experience of rearing children, wanting to feel like I am a woman, to fit in, to belong, if I have something to do with children.
At the moment (months later) I did not continue with the particular afterschool group that all met at one child's house.. It seemed unloving to continue the way it was going. So it seems I am not ready yet. I did some workshops a few months back, for the Holidays at the Gallery, and parts of it went really well., although, it seems though my persecution of myself was picked up by some of the children and I am treated at times not very lovingly. They were a perfect reflection of what is going on inside of me. I feel in a better place at the moment to address this treatment of myself and other children who are treated unlovingly, but I have decided that doing workshops with children at other organisations is not the way to go for me or the children under their rules and regulations. I still feel it is too early yet to do more workshops as I feel I would be still inflicting my injuries upon the children. Needing to work through some more beliefs in me.
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