Sunday, 24 November 2013

Finding The Way Back to Forgiveness & Happiness

Here is a link to a movie I was watching recently.  What a movie of hardship, survival & endurance, a group of people who had escaped from being prisoners, into the wild freezing Siberia, found their way through to Mongolia, Tibet, extremes of temperatures, and beyond, this movie had me feeling into some feelings in my own life triggering some personal stuff.  My partner was rewinding the movie at times to see if he had missed something in the movie, that I had noticed and he hadn't, not understanding what had set me off.
I am on about forgiveness.  One of these soul touching moments, in the movie the person who they all looked up to as the leader (younger Polish Man ),  and the old American Guy were talking about forgiveness.  Forced by circumstance, the old man had gravely harmed  his son,  and from then on his life had been filled with self punishment and torment.  The Polish Man had had something done to him by somebody dear to him, which imprisoned him for his life, which was bound to be shortened after being lined up for working in the gruelling mines, hence the urgency of the escape (trying not to spoil the movie too much ).  The younger Polish man's main drive in life was to go back to the person who had betrayed him, so that that person could end their own suffering and torment for what they had been forced to do by circumstances, and be forgiven by him.
Well I find my life being guided so beautifully by events, as to discovering what is still laying unhealed in my soul.  My guides I am so grateful too, God and my beautiful aborted daughter. Basically this movie has triggered more of my grief of what I have done, and showing to me how much I keep myself in my prison of torment, that is so hard for my guides and my daughter to get through to me, to my heart, not my mind, that I am forgiven.  Even now as I sit here and type, I can only tell you how hard it has been to attempt to work through all of the feelings to do with having had an abortion.  There are waves of emotions rising, a little joy of acceptance of some of God's Truth, then some more rising of shame as a cellular heat and some more grief.  One day it will be all gone, that shame & grief, and I will be more willing to feel so much more of God's Love!!
I have also had some incredulous grief expressed of how much I have tortured myself, and the emotional realisation of causing all of my own health problems since around 2004 by not accepting emotionally God's Truth of Forgiveness.

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