Wednesday, 17 April 2013

More on Abortion and what childhood emotional injuries would cause me to do that?

Why God, what would cause me to treat an unborn child like that?  Is the question in my heart this morning.....feeling remorse for how I rejected and murderously bullied my unborn child out of existence on this physical life.  I was reading a book... the guy who, as a child had been adopted by loving parents, and had been brought up knowing that he had been adopted, but law in that country made it impossible for the real parent to be found  (later in life was re-united ) ....his words that he felt when the child feelings inside of hit him were ...felt like he didn't deserve to be loved or even to exist!!!!"

I taught my unborn child this & much more,by having an abortion (written other blogs about other related emotions).......been feeling so much about what I did to my daughter, how I felt as a child.  I have these feeling inside of me of not deserving to be loved or even to exist also, that obviously I did not want to feel the cause of. The Law of Attraction comes to us in many ways...God shows us the truth in our day to day lives if we really want to know.

I asked the question what would cause me to do that act of abortion, my feelings have been coming out, at first I thought that I might burst with the gush of know down in the depths of the deep dark, of the major emotions (which I was unwilling until now to unveil that I had within myself)......a  murderous childhood rage at wanting to harm another (I was the youngest, there wasn't anybody else younger than me) somebody without any power to fight back, my rage (denial of the fear & grief of ) feelings of what was projected at me before birth, at birth, and during my child hood from parents & siblings, spirits...particularly my own sister & other spirits 'who felt the same as her & used her rage to act out their own rage & jealousy (mum's unhealed jealousy of her own little sister ).  I had been under threat since my birth as the youngest.  I did the same to my own daughter....knowing how that feels, only now allowing myself to feel the Truth, the true grief, I did that too, rather than what I have been doing until now, judging myself (to get away from feeling) as not deserving to be loved by God, and that it would be better if I didn't exist, as a punishment.  God is not a punishing God.  God loves me and already has forgiven me, but God's law of Compensation has been working on my soul.  The Law of Repentance is a higher Law, which requires me to be truly repentant in my soul, to find the real cause of why I did it and to feel that cause emotionally, that's when the Law of Compensation is no longer enacting on my soul, as I have chosen in my own soul to be repentant.

The childhood emotions around the subject of your own self, as a new born, firstly the parent feeling quite burdened already by the existing hungry mouths to feed, and how much work that it entailed caring for children, not the sex that was perhaps expected, all these unmasked feelings that are projected at you in the womb and as you enter the world, parents fears about money, baby in the way of having a sexual relationship, the siblings unmasked feelings of pure rage, jealousy and hate, feeling that it is your fault that they no longer get the attention that they want.  Also the many years & events of time spent sharing a room with the seething sibling.

From that young age I have beliefs like....there is something bad about me just the way that I am
That I am no good the way that I am.
Not knowing what I have done wrong, feeling that there is something inherently wrong, for that person to hate me, they just hate me
That I am unloveable

Displayed in addictions of.................such a huge desire to belong
a huge demand upon the world to be loved
A huge desire to become a chameleon, to not want know myself at all and  make myself into that person that I think that another person wants me to be, to get somebody to like something about me, and to accept me so that I get a feeling like I belong.

Feelings inside the womb fear for your existence, when the parents feel like they wish you didn't exist.  Fears outside the womb, for your existence when they still wish you didn't exist, or you siblings wished you didn't exist or acted on their rage....start to work out strategies as such a young age like....gotta get that person on side starts so young, not being your self, hiding how you feel, eg being cute instead of crying your guts out to get the "likes" cause people don't like a crying baby.
I remember having a healing once, in the healing, I had emotional awareness that I was in total denial of how damaging and murderous at times my own mothers feelings were towards me & my was shown to be with a feeling of being stabbed in the heart, by a hand with a knife, continuously twisting that knife in my heart.  That hand belonged to my mother.  It has taken a long time to accept that, and to also get over the resentment of that, (my denial of deeper feelings & my demand to be loved) and to want to feel the fear & grief, and to put 2 & 2 together so that if finally clicked in my heart that I have done the same to my own unborn child, except I acutally got to live and experience my own life!!!!! she wasn't so the shoe is on the other foot!  I was able to drop my resentment! coinciding with a good dose of Truth from God, my parents didn't get rid of me, and they did not murder me!!!!!!!  ......and just feel.

I had a whole list of fears ( for example, security based, fears of loss of love from parents, boyfriend, fear of not knowing what to do, fears of being just like my own parents) that were blocking my deeper darker Ugly feelings, which boiled down to I did not want to take responsibility for and love and care for a helpless dependant child that I brought into existence. I destroyed & discarded her I ignored for years that she actually had a real existence......and nobody would ever know here on earth, unless I told them what I had done. (the shame of the admission of what I had done, took me many years to even want to face what I had done ).    I did not have enough love inside of me to make a decision to keep my own child alive and care for her, like my parents did for me. My little unborn child did not get a chance.
I have discovered, I vented my rage(denial of my own childhood feelings) on somebody more helpless, that could not speak up for herself, and be counted and that I would not have to be accountable for. (not so through Karma, God's Laws of Compensation that immediately affect my soul ).  Our society in general doesn't really think much about a few cells growing inside a womb that a few weeks old, depending also what your parents teach you as well, and both parents can have opposing ideas about abortion (lots of stuff about this in other blogs I have written).

I have had a relationship with my aborted daughter in the spirit world for many years now.  There are some great talks from AJ Miller & Mary Luck AKA known as Jesus & Mary.  Have a look on Divine Truth Channel on You Tube, the Divine Truth website, there are so many great talks on so many subjects, in this case, especially on Abortion and "The Secrets of The Universe" "God's Laws of Love", "Natural Love & Divine Love"about the existence of the soul.

Have you watched the abortion video on you tube called the silent scream?  I watched it quite a few years back now, it is a very helpful DVD to witness what actually happens to the unborn child.  If you want to know the Truth of the action, please watch it!!