This afternoon, a lovelly teaching spirit came to me, I felt the Love of the spirit who said his name was Isaiah. He was helping me learn some stuff about Love and Fear. The Love that eminated from this one spirit was so Loving, warm, I felt myself be lit by it so brightly! In comparison to a spirit who is driven by the "power" of fear.....there were two dark spirits who tried to connect to me during this time I was with Isaiah, they felt like mossie bites.....very, very insignificant in comparison. I had more of a realisation of the Power of Love as to the "power" of fear....... The fear can only have power over me if I still have that emotional belief inside of myself of the unexpressed terror. Also the power of the will, in asking for help, and truely desiring the help from the loving celestial spirits, I can experience the terror that remains in my soul, whilst surrounded in Love.....I did think that I knew this.....in my mind, but something must have changed in me...in my soul, in wanting to know how to deal with the terror.
I just think this is so awesome!
Thank you so much, Isaiah for the beautiful lesson!
Listening to some chanellings from Divinetruth site, having some realisations,mmmm I thought that I wanted God's Love, well if that was true, it would be my priority at every moment seeing what stops me.....I thought I thought that I wanted God to be a loving God, I thought that I thought that I wasn't affraid of God. I now realise something in me wants God to be a punishing God, to punnish those who I am affraid of so I can avoid my feelings, not wanting to go to feel under my hurt to my deep grief of those times I have been harmed and to avoid my terror.
A belife that I am GOOD, and the hurters are BAD...and God should stop them hurting me and punnish them for it. I also view myself as better than those hurters, I get a false sense of me that I have nothing to fix up in me.... ignoring my Law Of Attraction, my emotions in my soul that attracted that event, to alert me to what beliefs inside of me out of harmony with Love still exist in my soul. I ignore that God is not only my loving parent, but also the parent of that other person....mmmmmI want God all to myself, want to be protected from all of my feelings that are yucky to feel!!!!!!! Dammmmnn! that's the opposite to what I THOUGHT I was doing!!!!!! Why has it taken me so long to HEAR the Truth! Ahhh, I didn't want to hear it, well at least something has changed in me, a deisre is growing.
When I ignore the Law of Freewill, that that person can do that thing, I do not understanding in my heart that there are consequeces for every action in the Law of Compensation and that these Laws are Loving and are there to help everybody involved to come into harmony with Love. I don't like the punnishment and reward system I have been taught, but want it still to exist to satisfy my hurt anger, my blaming pointed finger...mmmmm, looks like a gun to create more pain, & 3 fingers are pointing back at me.
Posing questions to me.....How have I acted? Who have I harmed? Was I in harmony with God's Love? What emotional beliefs caused me to act this way?
I think I KNOW this, but it seems I know it only in my head, it is not known yet in my heart! So therefore I do not know/understand about these Laws of Love. I can tell myself this over and over and over, I haven't got any closer to it until a desire in me changes to want to know the Truth
My Childhood, there were lots of spirits, but at some point the realaitonship with the Scarey Hurtful Spirits, became the dominant force. My growing fear drew them closer, (kept me in rapport ) and pushed other brighter spirits away. I learned how to ignore somehow that they were there, and to do what they wanted, and I wouldn't get hurt! I trapped myself into this only being able to have a relationship with them, and not learning the whole reality of the spirit world and the many types of spirits who peopled it. I got their viewpoint of what they wanted me to know. I want God to tell them they are naughty children, and punnish them for me. Instead of feeling what have I done in being their puppet? and how manipulated I feel, and how I was bought.... The things they tell me to do, and automatically, I am a tool, their arm extension, their voice extension, what have I done for them, not even realising I've done it and harmed others!!!!! I do not want to stay in this ignorance......in this addictive relationship........
It took me nearly a year to realise some truth, I just realised it yesterday! Realising more about lying by omission and lying in general because of thinking that it is kinder to that person to do so. Realising how much I have lied in my life, thinking I was being loving. I have just done it to protect myself from feelings of being rejected, not wanting to see what unloving things I have done to others to protect myself, harming them, a desire to hurt others to protect myself. The realisation that when I am lied to how unloving it feels, how I feel about that person when I am lied to, that the relationship that I thought we had, was not real, it was a facade, that this similar to how another person feels when I have lied to them. But what caused me to do that? I have hurt another person with the Truth Too, rather than having a loving intention, what would cause me to do that?
No wonder my eyesight has not been good, I haven't wanted to see the truth either. Judging truth as hurtful, staying in the pretence that I can do no wrong, wanting to be seen as a "good" person. Not wanting to see how fake I have been.
I realised how easily I can be manipulated by spirits in that moment of being unsure if I can trust my own intuition, that I don't even notice that I omit what I intuitively felt was the truth, and slipped so effortlessly and unconsciously into addictive behaviour to get approoval from that person, and avoid all of the feelings there........getting closer to the cause.! Back to not wanting to be rejected, to those times that I lied, what was I avoiding feeling?
Visiting my mum's the other day, I said some words, that after when I said the words, what they meant, the truth hit me emotionally.......
The words were, "the spark in me can never be destroyed" talking about the creativity in a conversation, I can just create new stuff. The realisation hit my heart, the meaning of it was much more than that.........
I have been reacting in my little girl beliefs that I can be harmed, hurt, killed, by events, by people, spirits, animals, etc. The realsisation I am not my physical body or my spirit body, The real me.....I am this spark, this soul, and nobody can harm that spark, it always exists. I "knew" it in my head, but I did not know it in my heart until that moment. This truth has made a HUGE difference already.
There is still fear to remove from this soul, but less fear of it~! A bit more willingness to go there! If I hadn't said those words out loud, and stopped to notice them for that brief moment to notice what was said, I may have missed it entirely!
Feeling affraid, I don't know what I am doing, I might make a fool of myself but I am willing to give it a go, I can only learn from the process, I feel really sick in the stomach and it has gone hard in my, I can't even remember what it is called, lower than my solar plexus region, why am I so affraid to learn and do something new. I might get in trouble, there is nobody to tell me what to do, whether I am doing it right or wrong, that I might be doing it wrong and get in trouble for that.
I am feeling tingly sensations in my limbs, I just yawned, so I have some resistance, people might judge me, might reject me, might find me and hurt me, ridicule me...I am feeling shame, I don't know if that is real, or if I am taking myself off to the side, so as not to feel the causal emotions, if it is just easier than feeling fear of attack, ridicule and rejection.
I feel a bit better now, so I will post this now and see what happens....Milly mmmm just started to feel a bit giddy and some shame again.
I just put it off for a bit getting a photo....and the feelings have started getting stronger as I am going to publish it now....
Feeling darkness and hardness in the pit of my stomach