Sunday, 17 November 2013

How Far Will I Go

Well, I seem to post a whole bunch of stuff together, although there has been a time lapse in between writing posts. Still going towards THE WAY to GOD.
My partner and I have been busy, he has been undergoing treatment for Tonsil Cancer, and now getting over the treatment.  Which was Radiation & Chemotherapy.  Travel to the doctors in Brisbane, getting tests done, living in Brisbane in a flat for 7 weeks, travelling to and from home in the country, to check on the doggies, cats & Horse.  One of our little mates, (my partner's closest buddy)  Ducci the cat never to be seen again since the first week of treatment, just to get the ball rolling. That was a huge thing to have to go back to Brisbane and tell my partner. That little cat had touched our lives. One of the many events recently, they just kept on happening.  
Oh Boy, do our souls want us to feel!!!!!  My Law of Attraction has been so ramped up, I have been quite happy in the sense that I have been very open to feeling.  Although the feelings haven't been happy, but feeling better for it now.  My partner is moving along with it all too, but that's for him to say.
Have kept a bit of a diary, to keep myself on track. Written some poems.  Just gotta find where I stored them......... so some of that will perhaps appear in later posts.
After watching more on the Abortion Videos, particularly S2 noticing my addiction with males more, to please them, above what I want, compromising myself and not valuing my unborn child's life.  (this is starting to hit me a bit more now in my breaks from computer )     And allowing myself to start to notice, a big part of me did actually want to have a child, and be a family, I have been grieving that a quite bit. (I am not blaming it on the man here )  I have just recently emotionally realised my huge addiction with pleasing mummy and felt some causal stuff, if felt cellular.   I wondered, ok now, where is the daddy stuff?
The Big Clincher, I ask myself, why did I do it??  The abortion, that is. Well I know I keep harping on about the abortion.  If you watch the 2nd video about abortion, you will get to the part, where Jesus/AJ talks about after working through the emotional beliefs & causes, then you will have found a lot of emotional reasons of why you did a lot of other stuff in your life, and I know that this is just a huge thing in my life!!! 
I also ask, what are my purely selfish reasons to murder?  Big addiction to pleasing the man, and fear of losing the man, not wanting anything to stand in my way to blow my chances of a new relationship especially knowing that in his (man at the time ) first relationship he did not believe his girlfriends child was his own, and was resentful about the possibility of bringing up somebody else's  ( just so happened that his own father had brought up a friend's (who died in the war )  son as his partner at the time's brother, sorry if I am confusing.    If you have read previous posts about abortion,  you will have noticed that aspects of this have come up in the past.  But I haven't been to the depth of cellular emotions like I have felt recently with my feelings about my angry mum and my addictions to please the angry woman.
So I still new and haven't recognised my addiction in my heart yet, to want to please the Angry Man to feel loved, and the implications that that Angry Man.  I am knowing that I feel half baked, but the process doesn't want to hurry up, I don't want to feel that yet.  So all I can do is ask why?  I don't want to see the truth of how much I will compromise myself, and what act I will do to please a man.  This also brings me again to, how much I compromise myself and act out of harmony with love in my attempt to please angry people, male female, old, young.

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