to say exactly what I am feeling...........a realisation
of learning it from my mum’s own inability to say how she truthfully felt.
And how easily I took on her example of what you do. Not really knowing the true impact that it has upon your life.
Saying one thing to the other person, though really inside feeling something totally different. For whatever the addictive reasons to not tell that person the actual truth......
In case that person would not like me or I would upset them
(being condescending towards them actually, driven by that that person cannot handle what you would say to them), wanting them to be agreeable with me, or in case that person got angry with me, judged me, attacked or harmed me.
In case that person would not like me or I would upset them
(being condescending towards them actually, driven by that that person cannot handle what you would say to them), wanting them to be agreeable with me, or in case that person got angry with me, judged me, attacked or harmed me.
This is a really big addiction in me. I find it especially hard to tell a woman , usually an older motherly type the total truth of the way that I feel. Still wanting mum’s approval! For her to “love me” accept me.
When I talk about “love” in inverted commas, I am talking about our natural human love, which is not what God’s Love is. Our natural human love is full of conditions, trade offs, blackmail, dependency upon another to do something for me to do something for you to get that approval/”love” Although we like to think that it is love, and often even tell ourselves that our love is unconditional. Have a serious think when you say this word, if you can honestly say that in giving this love, I do not require anything from the transaction, even right down to getting a feeling of feeling good about what I have done.....that’s how deeply thoughtful I mean. God’s Love is that unconditional!
There is plenty of great seminars around these subjects, that Yeshua (AJ Miller) and Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck ) have presented on You tube, via the Divine Truth Channel & Wizard Shack, and downloadable MP3 files on www.divinetruth.com
Been feeling into what stops me from getting closer to God, as being my True mother and a father, and feelings about my own mother and father and any people and situations in my life that I still am holding feelings inside of me, which I realise unfortunately is still a great many.
In my not being able to say exactly how I feel to others, pulls the wool (Aussie slang, have to look up where it comes from, just means deceiving ) over my own eyes. I often tell myself that I don’t feel unhappy about something, or that I deserved that treatment, I justify it in some way, to skip what I actually do feel. Or I tell the person “that’s ok, I’m not worried about that, when actually I am not ok with that.
I haven’t been truthful. I haven’t shown that person the true me. I have lied really. But in our natural love terms of what we humans believe that love is, I tell myself that I am helping that person, or not making a scene, keeping the peace.......And how do you feel when somebody keeps something from you and doesn’t tell you the whole truth? Not loved, that’s for sure. So Truth and Love go hand in hand.
I have been trying to skip my feelings. For example, to jump the feelings of how I felt with my ex-husband, getting into some feelings of how mum & dad interacted with themselves and not really feeling the grief of how I felt in my own relationship with my own husband, in my eagerness to get into my causal emotions. And previous to the point where I am at now, which is able to feel the grief of how I felt in that relationship, I only wanted to feel resentment. I hadn’t allowed myself to fully feel.
My mum and dad both had a lot of grief inside of them, so it makes sense to me logically that, I have a lot of grief inside of me, and if I allow myself to feel all of my grief in my relationships with all of my partners, then I will uncover all of the grief that came to me from mum & dad, and more of it will just organically pour out of me, rather than leapfrogging some of the stuff, having to go to the cause many more times, to squeeze a bit of the juice out of it, rather than it just pouring out, couldn’t stop it if I tried so to speak, in an overwhelming, soul changing way. Sounds like trying verses allowing. Wanting to control the emotional process, being afraid of overwhelm. But you know, our soul has the most growth from just allowing the overwhelm!
The overwhelm is what we have been afraid of for so long, and we have learned many ways to control it. The great thing that I have come across is that I need to stay in my body to feel my overwhelm. Staying in my body is the key to feeling the full experience of my emotions.
Ways of staying in my body
From waking in the morning, laying down
Diaphramatic breathing....a 2 part breathing technique, deep breathing from the lower part of your tummy which expands the tummy area, the lower lungs, continued inhaling that expands the chest area in (the 2nd part, if you had your hand on your tummy it would rise, and then also your chest rises and expands sideways) and then the uncontrolled out going breath. Repeated until till emotions are flowing. With a feeling of really wanting to notice every sensation within your body, a willingness to want to feel.
Like a meditation practice, where you go to all of the body parts and relax them, and then go somewhere in your mind (you go out of body in most meditation practices )
You do the opposite as in go to where every you have feelings in your body, with your diaphramatic breathing with its uncontrolled out breath , and let the feelings inside of your body speak out!!!! In this practice you are getting back into the body and connecting to how you feel, and allowing that feeling to be experienced!!!!
If you don’t want to feel, be truthful and just talk to God about why you do not want to, what you are afraid of. The admission of the truth puts you into to more harmony with love, and the emotions will probably then begin to flow.
In a public place
During the day if you feel disconnected from your body, with your arms outstretched, bend the top half of you towards the ground while exhaling, and inhale as you rise. (Although if you are IN terror, and have heavy spirit influence this can be unadvisable, as you may fall forward, it would be better to just sit down or lie down and connect with your body again by breathing deeply, and diaphramatically, rather than shallowly in the top of the chest....panic breathing)
If somebody is in the panic breathing, about to go out of body, just call their name gently and ask them to breathe deeply from their lower tummy area, and their chest area, ask them to just come back to their body, this can help them stop going into a fit that is brought about by panic attacks.
Diaphramatic Breathing while standing in line at the supermarket for example
Or do the diampramatic breathing while standing up. Take notice of what feeling caused you to become disconnected, what the feeling was that you didn’t want to have. (often do this when we don’t want to hear something said ). Ask why you don’t want to feel that.
Outdoors
In a space of feeling like you are in a place where you can let your feelings flow, walking, using physical exertion, to connect with the feelings in your body, and the diaphragmatic breathing deeply from your lower tummy, the chest and the uncontrolled outbreath.
My interpretation of out of body........a feeling of disconnection
How Do I know If I Have Gone out of Body
How do you know when you have gone out of your body...... Well think back to your life, how much of everything can you remember. Now all the things that you can’t remember, there has been some emotional memory attached to it that you have not wanted to be fully present to feel and let those feelings flow out of you, there has been something that you have denied, and wanted to forget some emotional pain. That’s lots of times in our lives!!!!
I now know that I have done this for a great deal of my life.
I know I am out of body when I become detatched from my senses.
Some examples:
When somebody is angry and I don’t want to listen
When somebody is telling me some truth that I don’t want to hear
It is quite subtle, as any time I am not feeling something be it negative or positive (doesn’t have to be big or dramatic, be it a feeling of happiness, or sadness and be in what is appropriate for the expression of that without trying to be emotional), .....feeling dull, distant, unhappy without the full expression of it, angry, “Living in Fear”(rather than letting the feelings of fear to be expressed in you and pass through you, for example shivering & shaking, & crying but still breathing deeply, not shallowly – living in the fear is a fear of the fear, and in this space we are connected with spirits fear as well, and are not truly getting to express our own fears)
When I am not feeling my true feelings, I am out of body in varying degrees, and have spirits connected to me via my unfelt emotions, that can influence me in varying degrees and experience emotionally through this connection to me earthly things.
Spirits Connecting to us via our unfelt/unhealed emotions that we share in common, or have the opposite injury, to feel earthly addictions and pleasures, & things, to avoid their own true feelings, we have entered into a relationship like we have on earth, you give me this and I will give to you that.....whatever the bargain is that you strike......I wanna know this stuff that is happening behind the scenes, don’t you?
For example, I am having sex with my partner, and I am not fully into the enjoyment & feelings of love , something is nagging at me.
Both my partner & I are Mediums, although he does not want to acknowledge that in any way yet. I feel though that we all are mediumistic in different degrees of awareness of that, mediumistic just being able to see, or hear, or feel spirits, and it is our fears that cloud these gifts. Let’s face it we all have thoughts in our head at times where we don’t know where that thought came from. Where do you think that thought comes from?
Which just means, that the spirits attach to us quite easily as we have many emotional addictions with spirits, and are used to being out of body.
For me, it may be that a spirit wants to join in, so they will just overcloak my partners face(he is not aware of that yet unless I tell him), so that it puts confusion and fear into me that I am not sure who I am with and who I am sharing my sexual energy with. So the dynamics of a negative emotion is now present. There must have been some form of unloving feelings being present in the act of lovemaking for this to be able to occur, that either of us were denying. These unloving spirits can’t be attatched to us in the presence of True Love, only when there are emotional feelings and beliefs disharmonious with Love. Loving spirits have no desire to be involved in our Lovemaking. Only spirits that still have emotional beliefs that are disharmonious with Love.
Thoughts may wander, there is some emotion that comes up in me that I do not want to feel, but just keep on doing the act of sex. I am not fully in my body, and I allow a spirit to connect with my body, via my unfelt emotion. ( so you can see that the spirit has a bit of an investment in you going into your “thoughts”as that spirit gets to connect emotionally to somebody having sex, as where they are spiritually at the moment in their own progression is a place where there are possibly no people of the opposite sex to have sex with, or those people that are there can see the emotional condition that they are in and don’t go near them.
Could be the spirit that hooks into me really enjoys having sex, and wants to help me to continue having that as well, could be the spirit that hooks into me via unhealed emotions doesn’t enjoy having sex, and wants to help me not to enjoy having sex, and maybe even wants me to get angry at a man, and in the end not have sex with the man, helping myself and the spirit to ooze a slow seething resentment, self punishing as well, and taken out on men during the act of sex. But either way, the spirits reflect some feeling that is already in me.
If I keep allowing the sex with my partner, I am not being loving. I am not honest to what I am feeling. I am allowing another person, be it a spirit in the spirit world to join in with our “lovemaking” sharing my sexual energy somebody other than my partner. That’s not what I want to do. If I don’t realise that this is possible and that I can change that from happening, then I am going to be still used by spirits, and in an addiction. What do I get out of it, either instense sexual feelings, but attached to one negative feeling, or lack of sexual feelings, attacted to some negative feelings.
What I could do, is ask my partner to stop, deal with the feeling, admit how I feel, allow myself to feel it fully and own it, and then when I feel I am coming from love and desiring to continue lovemaking.
If you are more curious for more information about many more topics about God, Truth & Love, The Secrets of the Universe, Spirits, How to Grow Your soul, any of these things that I have shared from my own experiences you may be able to get a clearer understanding from, as I am only learning as i go.....
there are many seminars from Yeshua & Mary on the Divine Truth Channel, Wizard Shack, on You tube, and the downloadable Mp3 files from www.divinetruth.com
Milly :)
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