God’s Truth is that spirits cannot hurt me
When I do not have any fears, this I will believe in my heart and soul, and spirits will no longer be of any harm to me. But my beliefs are other wise, so my fear controls me and is the key into me for the spirits control.
So all I need to be able to do is desire to feel is my fears standing in the way of this truth, and my grief of my experiences which cause me to feel the opposite to this Truth.
This is one of my biggest emotional injuries.
My addiction to not wanting to feel what it Truly feels like to be living in my skin, & in my spirit body, in my damaged emotions, not wanting to feel unheard, uncared for & unloved, understood.....sound simple enough to feel.
I am sorry if I have projected this out to the world on this blog these types of feelings, as I believed this was not my intention. I thought I had a pure desire to just journal some progression, whatever kind of progression, be it forwards or back, if it may help in the future for others who may be having similar troubles. Well it is a way of exposing my addictions, that cloud my true passions.
Had some anger come up, towards mum, some self hatred, being afraid to express my true feelings towards mum, and never expressing them, because of my addictions.
And towards God, wanting to land the blame fair in God’s lap for me feeling that God wants me to feel pain, that God wants to punish me somehow, I didn’t know how much anger resentment and hatred was inside, as in intensity of feeling over in a flash and feeling how unfair it was that all of this had to happen, to me, that nobody knew and nobody cared! In feeling the grief of this though, I learned the Truth though, that God knew, God cared, God Loves me, and the only thing that allows the spirits access to me is the feelings that I got from my mum and my dad, that they did not know what was happening, that they were ignorant, that the some things happened to them as children, to cause this in me, that they are unaware of and have blocked it out. Which allowed me to feel a whole lot of grief.
Embarrassingly so, my Law of attraction “that has hit men” that has helped me to get to this point, because of my resistance to wanting to start to open up to feeling my fears, that are on top of my grief has started when I fell over skating. Not only did I fracture my wrist, but I really hurt my coccyx.
This at some point led me to fear of pain, as I became constipated to a painful degree, and all I could hear in my head how much it was going to hurt when I went to the toilet, which gave me a reluctance to do so. I did say warts and all, but I will spare you more details. My fears bound me up worse than anything. So feeling into these fears and praying to God always, has been the only thing that has been helping me have the courage to stay in my body and see what emotions come up.
Which have been related to many things. Fear of childbirth, just fear generally of any amount of pain, that spirits/people tell me about and project at me, that ends up controlling me and proving them right..... Experiencing feelings of rape and threats, from spirit, physical rape of the anus, am unsure of this, could have been the real feelings of the torment from spirits, or maybe mum and dad experienced it, the rough treatment of my anus (as a baby I assume) toilet training, fear of the hurt from going to the toilet or maybe fear of the physical feeling of doing a poo for the first time (must have been constipated as a child).
I know as a child that I chucked up.......very intense projectile vomits so mum tells me, so I must have had intense muscular contractions and intense fears, or feeling mum’s intense fears and other feelings of having yet another baby that spewed up all the time. I think there may be more to come up emotionally about the chucking up stuff though, I think there are lots more feelings from mum to allow myself to feel how I felt about them.
The latest fear now that I have attracted a friend to say, was “You know every winter now that your arm is going to hurt”
I could hide & wrap myself in cotton wool, and never tell anybody what I am doing, become a hermit, so that others don’t get the opportunity project their fear at me and tell me what could happen, ad keep the world at arm’s length........but I wouldn’t face my simple fear that has caused me to live in my fear and try to avoid possible injury and do the “sensible things for my age” (like everybody else bound by their fears ).
The control of me of mum’s fear upon me and what that feels like
The other trigger that has had quite a big effect on me was when I visited my mum, she was in denial of something quite plainly to be true, as I have her original injuries inside of me, and I do know her very well, I have automatically reacted to her every emotional projection since in her womb. But part of her feelings where like “If you knew me well, you would still be reacting to my every feeling and making me feel good about myself”................that one sank deep, because in my addiction, the end of that statement for me would be so that I can feel your approval of me, so that I can feel that In am “loved” by you and that you care for me. Which is totally opposite to the feeling inside of my soul.....the feelings that I want to avoid at all costs, and the grief that I have now been allowing myself to feel.......and you know after all of that avoidance that I started at that very young age, it feels like such a relief every time I am willing to go there!!!!!!! It unknots my body and I have deep relaxation in my soul, and can feel the REAL TRUTH.
My bottom has been feeling like it is that of a really old person with these recent events and a babies delicate bottom too, so that brings me to believe that I am having an awareness of the old old craggy lady who has been with me from a very young age, and possibly even might believe she is somehow reincarnated through me. Connected via the bottoms!!!!!! (my attempt at lame humour!!!!!!) Anyway, this has only just come to my awareness, so I will need to have some talks with her and see if we can help each other out....I am feeling better everytime I process and have some new truths enter me emotionally.
The DVD’s I have been watching, which are available to download from You Tube that have helped me tremendously lately are
Spirit Relationships “Obsession & Possession” Part 1&2 28th March 2010 Buderim QLD AU (absolute GOLD, I have seen this one before, but it is like each time you see it, more is revealed that my soul is willing to accept)
The Human Soul “Processing Addictions” Part 1&2 27th May 2010 Buderim QLD AU
Spirit Relationships“Earth Bound Spirits” Part 1&2 15th June 2011, Vari Athens, Greece
Spirit Relationships“Coping with Spirit Influence “ part 1&2 27th March 2010 Buderim QLD AU
Relationship with God “Getting to Know God” Q&A 7th May 2011 Melbourne VIC AU
“The World’s Definition of Love Q&A” session 1 27th May 2011 Melbourne VIC, Au
The Human soul “The Three Selves Q&A” 7th May 2011 Melbourne, Vic AU
General discussion “Spirit interaction, Natural Love Q&A” part 1&2 Mildura VIC
Also another talk about the facade self and what we do in our sleep state at night, that Mary gives in Murgon, these talks are all GOLD for our soul’s growth !!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t thank both Yeshua and Mary enough for what they are doing! Also there are talks on www.divinetruth.com have a look in the download section, God’s way of Love Org, Mary also has a blog ”My Story”, which is kept up to date about all the things that are going on, as well as her own beautiful messages and sharing of her life, I am following it so you may find the link there.
If I get lost on the way and fall off the path, if I can remember
Longing for the Truth
Longing for God’s Love
And being humble
I will always find my way again.........
Milly :)
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