Monday 27 February 2012

Spirit Influence, Sexuality, Confusion, Truth of Soulmate Possibilitie.....What may stand in my way from the Truth


My partner, Tony,  & I discuss soul mates and sexuality a lot.  I often wake up the next day with a bit of awareness inside of me somewhere.......starting to get brighter inside of me, not quite the brightness of understanding fully yet,  many more lessons to be grasped in my heart when some emotional beliefs have been released and some new Truth gained in my heart, rather than just in my mind.
I have been working through my feelings of not wanting to be female, but not wanting to be male either, and not wanting any sexuality,   to put all of that in a basket in an inaccessible place, that is the damaged pre-pubescent child in me. (a bit about these emoitons, is outlined in previous posts)
But the older girl in me who is more willing to embrace her sexuality, is getting a clearer understanding in my heart about sexuality and soul mates.  My lovely  soul mate,  who I “think” my soul mate is, I love him, as a him,  part of me understands in my heart that if he was a girl, or if I was a boy, that there is something in me that still wants & desires being with that person, that soul (or in Truth a half a soul, seeing a soul is made up of 2 halves ).  That there is an asexual love that exists in me, where I do not judge my partner by the sex of the persons body, that I love that person as an extension of myself, separate in body to myself, and that it doesn’t matter what sort of body that person, or half a soul (the other half of a my soul) is in, I still will love this other half of me.
The expression of sexual love,  as a feeling of still desiring to express my sexual feelings with that other half of me, but asexual, as in it the sex does not even come into it, what the sex is, male or female, of their physical body.  So if I have emotional judgements about this, if my soul mate is a male,   my emotional beliefs about males that are out of harmony with LOVE, meaning God’s view on LOVE, need to come into harmony with LOVE.  Or if I am a female & my soul mate is a female, my emotional beliefs about females that are out of harmony with LOVE, need to come into harmony with LOVE, to truly be at one with my soul mate in the true sense. 
Emotional injuries & judgements about myself, that stop me from loving myself, will also stop me from being able to fully experience giving and recieving love with my soul mate.
I may or may not be with my soul mate right now, but I am more encouraged each time I have the desire to start wanting the Truth, and wanting to feel my fears, in the way of experiencing the emotional causes (I get a  bit of a nudge in the right direction from my Guides, as I am more willing to want their help )   In my heart, this willingness helps me be open to expose the truth of my emotional beliefs & judgments that are in error, to start to feel my soul, which is made up of 2 halves, myself and one other, my soul mate,
in the true soul mate sense,  but to also be willing to acknowledge other people as soul mates pairs and all that comes with that acknowledgement....... 

There is only one soul mate that is mine.  When I  think back, I used to think all sorts of  ideas, I thought that there were many soul mates for each person.  But if there is only one other person that is that person's true soul mate, that brings up some interesting issues. So if I am not with mine, then I am with somebody else's.  So to be loving to others, it is important to find my real soul mate, so that I not taking up the chance of other soul mates finding each other.  True acknowledgement of other soul mate pairs.  When I am out of harmony with love in my interaction with other people, who all have their own soul mate, who they may have discovered, to discover, or not yet, or to not want to discover.

SOME INFORMATION TO DIGEST EMOTIONALLY, TO GROW A LOVING DESIRE TO FIND THE REAL ME
God created our souls, the real us.  That soul has two parts, when incarnated, goes into two separate bodies, so I guess you could say I am a half a soul, and the other part of my soul is a half a soul, and together that makes a whole soul.   The other half of me is the only half of me, fitting perfectly together, that is how my soul was made....only one other person for me, yep I still have injuries there, I used to rant a bit to God about this, as it was convenient to believe my beliefs, as I didn't have to confront any unloving behaviours, actions or choices that I had made in my life, or emotional injuries put there in me by others.   It didn't seem to fit my own idea of a "soul mate" but who was I to argue with God! 
  
The combination of sexes of the physical body of whole soul possibilities being
1. a male and a female,
2. two males, or  two females.
 
Summing that up, heterosexual or homosexual. That's it!

Of course we have our freewill to do whatever we like with, and have inherited generationally lots of emotions out of harmony with love that affect our sexual choices.   So I guess what I am saying is, if I don't fit into either of these 2 categories, in my choice/s of partner, my choice/s are injury based.  Unfortunately, if I don’t like these possibilities, I can only really take that up with God, or just use my free will choice to ignore it.  Want to find some answers go to Divine Truth FAQ Channel on You Tube, as I am only talking about very basics of my understandings from my still not fully healed half a soul.

There are many judgements that we receive about our sex, when we are in the womb, our parents already know at a soul level what sex we are, they even know at a soul level and project their unhealed emotions & judgements about our sex & the sexuality of our created half a soul.  And we may even adjust ourselves to fit their idea of what we should be to make them happy. 

When we are born,  the parent, even just thinking disappointment in us being a particular sex. As a brief example, my mother and father wanted a boy, specifically my father, but also my mother, but she was not so upset about a girl.  This has a huge effect upon us and how we feel about ourselves, which at the time, our grief crying that would let that emotion out of us usually gets shut down, and not experienced fully until cried out – how many babes, are soothed and helped out of their crying???  Most, hey.  Many parents won’t let their children cry for long, it makes them feel uncomfortable.  They don’t want to feel the uncomfortable feelings rising in themselves, so they soothe the baby out of the feeling.

Society, & our parents  often have taboos, fears & beliefs on the subject of sexuality and project onto the children to turn out their belief of "normal"  and harm greatly with their projections onto children that a gay souls..  Obviously, if God created Homosexual souls, than God does not have any problems whatsoever with Homosexuality and loves all of the combinations of souls, loves all of his children and their free will choices too. (which may not match any of the soul mate sex combinations).  These taboos, fears & beliefs created by society and our parents beliefs get passed onto us, in the womb and as children emotionally as beliefs, often we don’t even know they are there, they have been there for so long, just have become a part of us.  But it puts an injury in us.

Often we can think with our mind, we are all for same sex, relationships, and I am including people who are in a same sex relationship here, but the inherited feelings and beliefs from childhood,  which effect the soul, and the feelings that come from the soul as amplified energy going out & being received by other people's soul having an energetic emotional effect upon them.

If I am gay, is there some belief in me that punishes myself for being what a portion of society views as being "wrong"or "bad"(whatever the personal feelings are)  in having emotional injuries about being gay being "wrong"  I will pick up on these emotional vibes coming out of other people's souls, even spirits who are not here in the physical world but are in the spirit world.   Their emotional injuries that are amplified through their souls as energy, will feel very painful to me,   I will feel their judgment of me, their disapproval that there is something wrong with me,  as being the truth, which it is not, and will later when I am older, wanting to heal this injury will, need to grieve that feeling inside that I was taught to have about myself, rather than to just be myself, without any injury about my sexuality, and of course absorb into my heart God's Truth about Gay soul's, your own soul....you rock!!!!  You are worthy, you are loved, you are perfect the way you are.


If I am heterosexual, but feel I am happy for other people to be Gay,  there could be some emotional injury in me, that came from my parents (that came from their parents, society etc ) that I don't even consciously know exists in me as an emotional injury yet, some shame, judgment, fear from my childhood.   Did I kiss the boy next door, or the girl and get “caught” by my parents, did and their shame, judgement & fear projections of my behaviour, being wrong, bad, etc....there are so many of examples I could give, anyway that's a simple enough one.  I might have been  putting up with my unloving parents/society/ views on correct sexuality, and choose to ignore, hey if my parents have this view, but I have already unconsciously  received that injury into my soul when I was in the womb, my family environment & I will absorb things from the environment of the society that I am part of.  So to heal it, I will still need to grieve the feeling that caused you to believe that gay is "bad" (or whatever the feelings) ,  and receive the Truth from God emotionally.  

No matter what sexuality we are, or we feel we are,  it is up to us to have the desire to find who we truly are, so that we can fully experience & express ourselves and fully learn about love......to have the desire find out what these injuries are about, find and experience the cause, and to have a desire to understand in our hearts, that God loves each and every one of us, no matter how we express our free will, but if we decide to find the Truth about our souls, our capacity to feel love and joy will far exceed what we could ever think that we could ever feel.  We could feel/understand the Truth in our hearts of God's love for us, to start to Truthfully feel the love for ourselves grow, and to Truthfully love and feel the love of our one Soul mate, who is the other half of ourselves whether our soul be the same sex combination or the opposite sex combination.
Where is the Bi Sexual soul in this soul mate combination? Find some answers on the Divine Truth FAQ  Channel on You Tube.
From talks about souls, each soul has only one soul mate, so that narrows down the choices, as I mentioned above, choice 1. heterosexual, or 2. Homosexual.  

Any emotional injury that causes a deviation from the same sex soul combination or opposite sex combination, is not a soul combination, it is an emotional injury and how we may have coped in our search for "love" without healing that injury.  But God fully loves us no matter!!!

What about Trans Gender sexuality?  Again, there are so many Questions & Answers on the Divine Love FAQ channel, explained, but the same answer for bisexuality, the soul mate combinations that are possible for the other half of our soul, heterosexual or homosexual.  The feeling that we are not the sex that was assigned at birth is usually emotional injuries, unless you were born with the 2 genetialia, and the parents made decision on your behalf to remove one of them and removed the wrong one.  (there is more info on the Divine Truth FAQ Channel on You Tube )

HOW SPIRITS CAN INFLUENCE US IN OUR CHOICE OF SEXUALITY, BE IT HETEROSEXUALITY, HOMOSEXUALITY, BISEXUALITY, OR TRANS-GENDER

There is great info on the Divine Truth Channel & Divine Truth FAQ (quick questions and the answers ) channel on You tube which will give much better information.  I do not wish to mis- inform anybody.  But I will leave my ramblings published here, as a true portrayal of my progress towards Truth & Love, and where I am still MISSING the mark. 
I keep harping on about spirit influence, spirits hang around if there is denial of emotions, if we have emotional injuries, we have spirits hanging around as the denial of the emotions, is like a key to our doorway.  Most of us are not aware of their existence. (that is also a choice driven by emotional injuries ). 

In my experience in all of this though, I do have the experience in being influenced by spirits, I have not experienced being bi-sexual,  or trans gender (being born one sex, but feeling that you are the other sex)  although as a child as I mentioned earlier, in relation to a previous post, that I did not want to be ANY sex really, so in that, I had emotional injuries to heal. 

Today we also have the term "Metrosexual" where the men & women dress as neither sex. They may have had similar feelings to myself as  a child.
I liked to look pretty in dresses as a little girl.  In puberty I just dressed daggy, in my teens so that nobody would notice puberty taking place and changes to my body, so those are emotions that I needed to want to work through. 

Other injuries can come about from the feelings of the parents when the baby is in the womb, when they are having sexual intercourse,  moment by moment feelings and experiences of parents, while in the womb, not accepting the changes in puberty, (parents judgements ) sexual injuries, could have had their sexual organs laughed at, the parents own feelings about males & females anatomy when looking at their childrens parts, when they are caring for them,  injuries incurred before puberty, during, after, parents hoping to have a particular sex child, these are only my thoughts of possibilities, your own feelings will be from your own experiences.  

Examples
Some girls, when not happy with being a girl, may want to be the opposite sex, or to be more tomboy like, to seek dad's approval in some way, may be searching for more of dad's attention, she may not admire female role models, her mother may have imposed onto her  no love of herself as a female type feelings ( maybe dad was thinking when she was born that he really wanted a boy child ) spirits hanging around will have similar feelings or opposite injury feelings.
 
Boys can become more sympathetic towards the feminine, (may not admire the way that dad is role model, and mum's emotions about dad's treatment of her ) adjust the way they behave, to be outwardly less masculine, more feminine, so as not to display so much "male qualities" that mum & other women in society may not like about males and project anger at all males at that a soul emotion amplifying level.  

Spirits that hang around will have similar or opposite emotions and commiserate with the same feelings, or have the opposite injury and try to punish the child, can influence the child in many ways that impinge on the child's own free will expression of self.

The unborn child can be influenced from within the womb. The spirit may be desperate to gain some way to re -incarnate and influence the child in the womb, can cause confusion to the developing child who has no real feeling of self right from the start of life. 

How could a spirit have an influence in a way that may be harmful?    Here is one way, having a permanent sex change.   Please, if you are thinking of having a sex change, have a look on Divine Truth FAQ Channel and Divine Truth Channel, around the topics of spirit influence, and sex change etc.   If you were not a transgender baby born with 2 genetalia, and had the wrong one removed by parents & doctors when you were young, you may be being influenced by spirits who share some unhealed emotions, and the beliefs from our parents, generational beliefs, society  and environment that were formed in as far back as in the womb, that you have no idea that are there, that have been there for such a long time, that even sound like your own voice in your mind, speaking to you. This spirit may be thinking that they are experiencing re-incarnation through you, and think they are you, and may be the opposite sex to you and want to get you to become the correct sex that they feel better being.   I don't mean to alarm you, if you are still reading,  but there is such a great lot of things that go on that we have no idea, or want to know that are going on, spirits often do not really know what is happening either.

By having a desire to truly discover what your real feelings are, to desire to fully allow your own soul and feel the truth of free will, the Gift of Life, and many other simple Truth's of God, which are different to what we believe emotionally what the truth is.  These injuries damage our soul's true free will.   Uncovering addictions to pleasing others, will help to discover if you have been influenced from the very beginnings in the womb.  Helping the spirits that have been there with you too is a truly healing way for all to receive help.
Many of us learn to shut down seeing & feeling spirits by shutting down our own soul.  This though does not shut down the influence that spirits may have with us.  Just shuts down our acknowledge ment of it.  We all have been able to see spirits & hear spirits at some time in childhood, though, for many different reasons to do with fear and not understanding, most of us learn to shut off our from it.    
As time goes on I become more aware of my addictions to spirits.  I get something from them by having them in my life, doing stuff on a level that I deny awareness of.   I want an emotional addiction to be met by them, ....eg they like me if I am “good”, so I guess I am looking for approval from that particular gender of spirit.  I do as I am told, I get a feeling from them that makes me feel good.  If I do something that is "bad" (that they don't want me to do ) then I get a feeling from them that doesn't feel good.  So there is a simple addiction for starters, looking for approval from others to validate self, and certainly learned from mum & dad, grandparents, teachers, society....  
I have spent much of my life avoiding how I feel about myself, so I don’t feel it, and rather feel the feelings of spirits or other people, because this disassociates myself,  from my own feelings.  So then my life gets influenced by what other people want me to do, they don’t even have to tell me, I just feel it automatically and do it, to get their approval and to please them, so that they like me, and not wanting to feel some feelings about making decisions for myself, wanting another to be responsible for me.   I also get influenced by spirits, some feel the same way as me and commiserate with me and I feel even worse, with the weight of their emotions as well.  This is a terrible addiction.
Other spirits want to use me to take action, to do things that actually they get some satisfaction out of.  They can influence our lives in many ways and cause us to take actions in our own lives, that give them satisfaction, eg, be it,  have an abortion, take drugs, drink alcohol, get angry at that person, get rid of that offensive sexual organ & get a better one, have sex with that particular person.  Of course from a karmic point of view, we still did that action, and from a mental, body level point of view we chose to do it, we weren't difficult to influence at all!  Willing putty.!
  
The spirit who connects with you through some emotions that they see in you that they can manipulate, may simply have an aversion, unhealed emotions about  your sex, and influence you into making choices that without their influence you may not have chosen, and actually be quite manipulative to you, to get some satisfaction for themselves that they have gotten even with that grudge (on somebody that you reminded them of, or because of your sexuality, or just because you are male or female)    

The spirit may be a female or male (whichever is opposite to your gender), who has similar emotions to yourself, becoming a strong influence on your life, that you feel so connected to emotionally, that you cannot really tell yourself apart form the other, you don't even know the other is there, and you feel mostly their feelings, which helps you to disassociate from your own.

A spirit can totally over cloak us, from the womb or any part of our life. The spirit may be thinking that they have reincarnated into another body, (also with  emotional injuries about being a particular sex,)  that they strongly feel they are not, or don’t want to be, and influence us.  

If you feel you have these concerns, seriously, look into how spirits can influence our lives, and how you can discover they are even there.  I will refer you to the Divine Truth You Tube channel again.

SOME OF MY EXPERIENCES WITH SPIRIT INFLUENCE  
Seriously, I didn’t really believe that I was a medium as in able to hear/see spirits, but I had feelings inside, probably fears, and some knowingness, probably from what I had seen in the spirit world before I had shut myself down to such an extent, and somehow wasn't that shocked to rediscover that I could connect with spirits......although there was so much I did not know, and still a lot more yet to know, and a great deal of emotional beliefs in error.   
Years ago, when I first started to look into medium ship & spirit stuff, I used to get so easily influenced by different spirits wanting me to do certain things, that would influence my whole lifestyle, for example, an Indian lady, influencing me to do healing, and other Indian folk influencing me to cut wings off dead birds, make very specific ceremonial items, like smudge fans, etc, my own art was influenced to be of the different style of each individual Indian artist, I did two paintings in a row that were two different styles of artists. 

WANTING TO HAVE MY OWN LIFE BACK

But I knew that this wasn’t me, it was actually other spirits.  Other people would say to me, this is who you were in a past life, but I did not feel that, although, it kind of felt good to think that, I felt a bit important, or chosen!  But where was my life, what I wanted to do with it, I started to feel a bit taken over! 
This relationship was an overt one, not a covert one. In my case, the spirits knew that they were separate to me, and knew that I knew.  As I mentioned before, sometimes the spirit doesn’t even realise that they are taking over your life,   they actually think that they have reincarnated.  If that body is something that they have big judgements about, they can influence you into even stronger feelings about your own body. Sometimes, some spirits want to just toy with you, these spirits are being very unloving, knowingly.

WANTING PROTECTION FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S SPIRITS, IN DENIAL OF MY OWN, ......IN SEARCH OF SOLUTION
So my search went along the vein of, wanting to have my freewill back in my life, to not be influenced by doing what other spirits think I should do.....for example,  heal the world, heal other people, make the world a more peaceful place.  I wasn't really fixing me, or having time to notice me, I was busy doing their task that they passionately wanted to do for the world through me. My body was sick, and tired.

My search was for, how do I really “protect” myself from spirits that were hanging around with other people.  I didn’t even want to acknowledge the possibility that I could be being influenced by spirits other than loving spirits, in the same state as a lot of mediums that I noticed, that had spirits attatched to them.  Some of these spirits portrayed themselves as something more loving to the mediums they were with, & these spirits had their own hidden agenda's  and addictions that they were getting met through these mediums, that the medium knew nothing of, as they were busy in their own addiction of feeling special & better than others..... I was in the same boat, but thinking I was not, I was in judgement & addiction & not in love.

I did not want to acknowledge all of the feelings inside of me, like anger, & fear & shame, low self esteem,  I only wanted pleasant & acceptable ones & the ones that I thought should be present in me.  I wanted in my mind to be viewed as by the world as a "good girl" & better than I actually felt, if I bothered to look beyond my own facade self that I had created myself to be.  In this space of noticing other people’s spirits attatched to them that influenced them into doing not so nice things, wanting to be protected from them and judging them, ignoring that I was in the same state!  This is the state that I can be so greatly influenced in, and did not have a clue!

There have been times when I have been influenced by spirits that I have had no idea about that I was being influenced at all!!!!  So it is good for your own benefit to look into ways that you can start to even see that your life could be influenced by spirits and worth investigating ways of how you can recognise when it is happening, who’s feelings are who’s, separate yourself from the spirit.  And start to have your own life back & get to know on all levels, who you really are!
All of our beliefs that are out of Harmony with God’s LOVE, by the LAW OF ATTRACTION also attract spirits that interact and influence us.
If this resonates with you in any way, here is a site you could look into http://www.divinetruth.com/, to find out more information, about universal and personal truth, there are MP3 talks also there are some of the videos on You Tube.
GETTING BACK TO SOME SOUL MATE REALISATIONS, TRUTH & UNTRUTH
As I mentioned before, I don't really know for sure if my partner & I are soul mates or whether we are in emotional addictions with each other,   to giving what the other person wants from me to please him, so that then he will please me and give me what I want, a barter system rather than love, which needs to be dealt with first and stopped to uncover the emotional reasons why we do it, just like a physical addiction to a drug.  Whether his is my soul mate or not soul mate will become apparent, as once my addiction is gone, If Tony is not my soul mate, I will no longer want that "drug" and desire something else.  Or my love will just keep growing, and we will grow closer together, not being able to resist each other.

 I AM STILL UNCOVERING MY BELIEFS THAT DON'T AGREE WITH GOD'S ABOUT LOVE, SOULMATES
I used to think that a soul mate, you had some sort of choice in who this person could be, and anybody that was with, that I had extremely strong feelings with when we were together as a couple, I thought “this person is my soul mate”.  And I have thought that there could be lots of potential soul mates.  I have been pretty angry at God, feeling it is not fair in being given a choice.  Feeling that my FREEWILL was being trashed big time!  .........Although, God does not stop me having a relationship with somebody else, so it is totally “my stuff” of feeling like a don’t have a choice, well I am not all through that one yet, but it will no doubt go back to something that I wasn’t allowed, as a child.
I used to think, when that person that I was with didn’t treat me how I wanted to be anymore, didn’t act how I wanted my man to act, (just expectations on males, from my part and wanting to control the man, so that I didn’t have to feel how I felt when I didn’t get what I wanted), I would get sick of it eventually, blame it all on the man, and end the relationship.  Rather than looking at myself, and seeing my addictions and expectations, and feeling into what has caused these unloving expectations and feelings & emotional beliefs in me towards males, and the reality of the attraction in the first place, that my emotional beliefs in me, that I don’t want to acknowledge that are there,  are amplified by my body,  projected out to the world.   Which attracts to me that particular type of partner who "proooooves" to me my beliefs that men are just what I have always believed them to be.......  Did I ever stop and think where did those beliefs come from?   Or I will choose a partner who have an emotion of wanting to please a woman, will cater for my every whim and fancy, and eventually turn him into that type of man who I believe men to be, but demand from them that they not be that.
Time after time, I have had the opportunities come to me, in the form of a potential partner/soulmate, but not cottoned  onto that there is a LAW OF ATTRACTION going on here, that I can either ignore it, and keep blaming the men for not being what I want to make me feel good about myself, get rid of them when they don’t do that and go on the look for another, with my same demands!!!!!!  Who is gunna go for that!  Somebody who has an addiction to being treated unlovingly by a woman.
Or I can use this LAW OF ATTRACTION, that is one of the many laws of God created to help us come back into harmony with LOVE, but noticing, mmmm, actually, there is a pattern here, mmmm in my demands I am not actually loving and I am actually projecting anger onto men, to blame, and avoid a feeling in me, of how I feel when a man does that, to start to explore what fears have caused me to do that, going right back to childhood, to experience bodily the causal emotion that is inside my soul, that has been shut down ever since & trapped inside of my cells, and not felt, at the time it occurred.  
So I guess my guides have shown me a glimpse of how it can be with our soul mate relationship!  And now I have an  inkling inside of me to inspire me to want to grow towards that!!!!!
Well, I have talked about a few related topics.  If you are still reading, then you may be interested in listening to AJ Miller, aka Yeshua, on www.divinetruth.com also talks available on You tube, through Divine Love Channel.   AJ is much more interesting and in Truth in his heart to such a great extent, so I hope I haven’t been misleading in any way, but I feel I have talked mostly from what I know in my heart personally, but my emotional beliefs that are still in error, may make the delivery of it not as in Truth, as you would receive when listening to these talks by Yeshua.
I believe if you are still reading, there is a great LAW OF ATTRACTION going on for you if you have not already come into contact with these beautiful Truths from God, brought to us from this wonderful teacher!  Yes, he is here to help teach us how to grow in our souls in Love and to encourage us to have a personal relationship with God, THE WAY to truly bring this change into our souls.

LOOKING BACK AT THIS POST A FEW YEARS FORWARD IN TIME As you progress and you lose your judgements of self & judgements about emotions and about other people,  this frees your soul to become more willing to feel, and the process changes and becomes easier too as you sit in the arms of God and just allow your feelings to spill out.  It becomes non intellectual softening of yourself into your grief.  
The intellectual bits are me explaining the process in words to explain how I got here from here.  The value of how I got from there to there, aren't much relevance now,  only to look back and see where I went wrong or took a long time to get through this stuff.  I will say before you embark on the emotional processing, look at the latest information on the Divine Truth FAQ & Divine Truth Channel on You Tube, it will help your progression to come about much quicker!   

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