The Awakening

On the brink

I can feel it there

The true me

Not wanting to be

Kept in that cage any more

The old me

Affraid to let that creature out

There will be no going back

Why aren't I ripping open that door

Am I affraid that

I wont exist anymore

This person full of error

And trapped in fear!!!

I have that key

I had it all along

That's trickey

I've got the key

To the whole city

Come on, you can do it

Turn it, my hands shake

I fear that I will be lost

And I will no longer exist

That I will be a tool

Again for somebody elses use

Like it has always been

So I still want to be

In that cage for safe keeping

.....a false sense of security!!!

God, you offe me freewill

How can I be so blind

Fear blinds me to Love

"They" say Love is Blind

That is FAR from the truth

Affraid of You, who is only LOVE

I put my head in the sand

Each time I do not want to

See it, the Truth, the key

Your Love for ME

To help my soul to break

The mould that traps it

And stops it, compresses

And shrinks it, chokes it

I want to expand

But the fear of coming out

Of that CAGE is great

I remember last time

My soul expanded from

My cot, experiencing the world

At first, Your Love so great in me

Coming out of my HANDS

And my FEET and my HEART

So in my baby state

I could experience this

NEW WORLD

FEELING everything

I remember that moment

My first encounter of that PAIN

Of anothers judgement of me

Coming to me so intensely

I quickly learned to hide inside

It is my soul I denied

And now 47 years later....

Here I am at that cage door

That has left me helplessly

Stuck inside

No protection, really

Just stuck on that spot

For anybody to just

Prod and poke me

I only get the world

Through them now, too

I don't even know what I feel

In that state

Kept too busy trying to

Get them to stop

To dance for them

To be the puppet

The chirpy bird

All for what?

Hey, my food is empty

My water is gone

I have made myself dependant

Upon others for all of my needs

Even your love can only get to me via them

I blame them

When they don't give to me

And to look after me well

I have that key in my pocket you know

Responsibility -

Do I want it?

That will keep me in that CAGE

I would rather burden them

With the responsibility of me

Who are them - anybody

I am that frightened child

That child who wants it's own way!

The child that wants to please

To manipulate, to get stuff

I have learned to

LOVE FEAR, and not LOVE LOVE

To believe that I need

Another person to provide for me

The MIDDLE MAN to GOD

Step up to the PLATE

Come get what you desire

From God's table

Just like these MIDDLE MEN

Who help themselves

Who created your dependancy

For control and power

Over something else

So as not to feel

Powerless and prodded through

The bars themselves

I want to play the victim

Feel sorry for me

Oh Torturer!!!

Stop doing what you are

Doing, and I don't have

To feel like I have done

Any of this to myself

There, trapped in the bubble of illusion

Fear, dependancy, addiction

Why can't I see it?

Why do I still want that?

My hand still shakes

Putting the key into the LOCK

To FREE myself

Choose LOVE, choose LOVE

Choose LOVE, the crowd roars

From the Heavens High above

(what you only just noticed that there are good ones)

Below they say

Your BAD, your UGLY

Your DUMB...

I am going to hurt you

They project anger at me

That bores into me

Like a big spear

Like a pig that gets stuck

And I bleed

Till my energy drains out

And I can't move, paralised

No more I say

You can't ever

Really kill me, anyway

I would rather DIE

Then bend to your

Treatment of me

I even would give them the finger

But then my thoughts linger

On how unloving it is to BLAME

Those torturers, who just like me

Inherited thier condition

For my willingness to stay living in fear

Rather than to experienced

My feelings and BUST

That myth, that bubble!

And just like that it is

Burst "POP"

Silently, almost invisible

Almost an anticlimax

AND I SEE

Why the hell did I not bust it BEFORE

I was perfect, then

I learned to survive in this world

To take the "red pill" or was it the "blue pill"

It was an illusion, a ruse

One was the Truth

And the way to GOD'S LOVE

Come little creature

The door is open

Is your will crushed or destroyed

I am a little baby deer

With lovelly spots

Excited? No, not yet

I am an older one

Weary, cautious, still not trusting

I have taken a step though

Waiting for the next trap

Looking behind me

BIG EYED

Milly  8 4 11