Finger of Blame

When ever I am pointing the finger of blame I am angry, I WANT to blame rather than own the feeling inside of me that I want to avoid.
 
I don't want to feel experience the real feeling of what I really feel.
When I am angry, I am avoiding feeling something that I fear.
I fear an emotional beliefe about myself that came to me from my parents & envirionment
I fear experiencing this feeling in me.
That is an emotion just to experience bodily out of me till it is gone.
I just want to feel good about myself, cause I want to avoid feeling crap about myself.
This beife, what I fear feeling,  is not real, it is a feeling, an emotion trapped inside my soul.
It is an emotional beliefe, that all I need to is to fully feel/experience it bodily to release it. 
Sounds simple! 
But when I blame I am addicted to feeling good and expecting others to aid me in this.

My pointed finger of blame is a reminder to me of this....
I am in addiction and being unloving wanting the other person to be in a codependant addictive relationship with me.  
To remind me I am expecting something from them.
That expectations are unloving 

When that person doesn't give me what I want, or do what I expect them to, so I feel good about myself.
This is what my pointed finger in blame reminds me, what I am actually doing to others.
And that is, having unloving expectations.
I want to control that person, out of fear of how I emotionally believe that they will treat me from my feelings that came into my soul when I was in the womb, from my parents, family life, environment.

When I blame with the pointing finger, it reminds me that when I want to control other people, how they treat me, that I do not want to feel, how I truely feel in my soul.  But I think in my head good feelings about myself, that I don't truely feel in my soul, and I want others to help me in the pretence of how I WANT to feel. 
When I can't control that person that I blame, and I don't feel good about myself, this finger of blame becomes a way of feeling powerful. 
So I don't have to feel the feelings that are just in my soul.  To control, to avoid fear, to avoid the grief of how I truely feel.

This finger of blame becomes the tip of my gun, it harms, my projection of anger, of blame onto another. 
It is loaded, I shoot my energy of anger at them. 
I have harmed them, even though I think I have not done anthing to them, they have not been "nice" to me by making me feel good about myself.
Wow, this finger of blame, reminds me, that I am being the unloving one!!!!!!
When I thought it was the other way around.......
'Cause I just wanted to avoid how I am truly feeling

This finger of blame, reminds me that I really don't want to know myself, to have exposed to myself my emotional beliefs that are not even true about me....that I in my soul (not my mind) I want to believe these untrue feelings about myself......  
And that I want to reject what God feels about me. 
That God loves me no matter what I feel about myself


The finger of blame, I can use it as a reminder of all of this......
It is still going to be a mind "power" thing that I have to remember every day to do!
Not something that just flows from me from my soul......
Until it becomes a desire from my soul, and I will know when it is a pure desire, as I will just feel how I feel,
Without judgement, without fear, I will no longer be, blocking ME

I am still going to want to go for pointing the finger
to avoid my authentic self, and protect the facade that I want the world to see, to stay powerful and not feel vulnerable, to be in control................to not trust, that these are just deceptive emoitonal beliefs, that can come out of me, for good.....that are not the real me.......the perfect soul that I was created as............that I can be again!!!!!!!!!!   That these feelings are just emotions to experience "out" of my soul, a bit like with them, my soul has a dint in it, when I no longer have them, the dint no longer exists and I am perfect & whole as I was created to be.