I don’t know if any of you been feeling into the up & coming earth changes? Want to know some more, go to Divine Truth Seminars, on you Tube, via wizard shack, or www.divinetruth.com site and look up mp3 downloads for seminar talks. Anyway, I am coming to the conclusion that I have been afraid to live! Not just fear that earth changes could be coming and when they may be coming, and feeling like I am too afraid to stick around, for what might happen, and not trusting in God, as to what wonders can come from these changes!!!!......but afraid of facing my fears with people, how I get treated by ones that project anger and judgement onto me, and simply feeling how I feel inside, rather than trying to cover how I feel, often with anger back. I am afraid of TRUTH! That person may not like me if I say it........uhhhh??? Hang on a sec, that person is already displaying that they don’t like me, at that very moment, or should I say, they don’t like how they think I MAKE them feel.
Well many of my past posts have been about death & dying, and spirits that have been with me and emotions that have come up for me. By the way, I have had some changes in my body, my belly is no longer as big and distended like it was!!!!!! I actually looked like I was 6 months pregnant. Now I look like I am just a bit unfit, with a little gut.
Through the Mists
Mary has a book group, we are studying “Through the Mists” at the moment, look up her blog “My Story” with blog spot for updates on this. This is one of three books channelling a spirit called Aphrar, by Robert James Lees. It is a little hard to read at first, but you start to get into the swing of the language. Basically it is a book about when we die, gives us some info about what happens, and how we could actively improve our soul condition here on earth, by noticing what love is and what it does, and acting in love, for starters! It is a lovely book that teaches us. The book can be downloaded from www.divinetruth.com
I keep coming back to saying, as a medium, pretty familiar in a sense, with the spirit world, and after having felt through some fear of dying feelings, I realise that I am not as afraid as I thought, only really about the how I die, if I will suffer, and be in great pain, will it be quick or slow, but also realising that the way I die, is what I attract to myself through my unhealed fears and beliefs.
I did actually feel that I was going to bleed to death, and nearly did, but I really feel that totally feeling into the fear of it, I then didn’t, as that fear and associated feelings exited my soul. (there were quite a few associated feelings to do with spirits, being a female, anger towards that etc, fear of attack, which I have talked about in previous blogs)
What causes me to want to rather die? Than to live? The big clincher, is my cause........affraid to feel my little self emotions, to be that little powerless person, who felt like I was the cause of mum’s anger, as she did the housework, cooked, cleaned, looked after us. Not wanting to feel that I felt like I was a burden to my mother, not wanting to feel, when my mother was feeling those things, there was a withdrawal of love, the grief of that withdrawal, and when it was replaced by the feeling of attack, of anger and blame, and judgement, and the very nitty gritty of how bad I feel right there! So I pray, and tell God exactly what I am feeling, in my feeling crying words, that when I come to this spot in my processing, that I want to stay in my body, and feel my emotions until it is all gone! In the past I have had a habit of jumping out right at this point, out of fear of feeling mum’s rejection of me. Of course there are feelings like this with dad too, but I was with mum the majority of the time in the womb and as I was being raised as the little baby upwards. So I have been quite comfortable with being in the spirit world, (but not really being aware of this now) going there to hide, more afraid of mum’s anger, than spirits anger!!!!!????!!!! The spirit world as a place of refuge, as there are some very nice spirits there too! So my soul, or some people would say “unconscious”, remembers this, even if I don’t.
Speaking Truth, Being in Truth, Acting in Truth
What is going to trigger my fear? Speaking the truth. The person who is angry at me may actually get angrier, and attack me with more anger, but through just allowing that, and not attacking back I may actually feel, it wasn’t so bad as I thought! Rather than automatically taking the blame, just apologising for something that I may have not actually been responsible for, to make the other person feel better and stop attacking me. Easier said than done!
I still have lots of work here, and often prefer to take the blame, and not feel the actual real feelings in my soul. I feel the avoiding feelings, the guilty feelings that keep telling me I am a “bad girl” and backing up what the other person is inferring & what my soul has been told is the truth about me, but these aren’t the real feelings. I can be feeling these ones, till the cows come home, and no change in my soul beliefs will occur, so the same shit, next day, will keep happening.
Damage in the Spirit Body & Physical Body can change at the Soul Level, permanently!
When the emotional damage is at the stage of not just energetic damage in the chakras, in the spirit body, but physical symptoms of damage have manifested, the physical & energetic (spirit body) damage, will not change permenently until the emotional beliefs about myself change at a soul level. Do I need to mention here again, I have noticed physical changes in my tummy area, as a “seeing is believing”, this stuff does work!!!!! Now........ to work through my feelings of trusting, that it won’t be taken from me, that carrot that I hold. Also, that even when it is proven, that a man (more mum & dad stuff to feel) will not listen to me, damaged belief.
Leap of Faith
I can pray, about any, all, with my true feelings, growing my desire, my imagination, my trust, my faith! With my guides help, with God, my true father, the father and mother of my soul, who I actually am, that continues on, long after the physical body, that even surpasses the spirit body, that part of me that is in the image of God, and that can become immortal!
So any other fears/beliefs, that I have been taught to be afraid of, I am going to want to avoid as wel. MMMMM, makes sense to me to take a good look really, into what am I afraid of about events, people, animals, environment etc. There are some really great talks about fear processing & other emotions, again, on www.divinetruth.com
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