I stuffed up my reproductive system, which now it seems I have given spirits control of, which they threaten my life through whenever I don't do what I am told. Which is don't feel these causal mother emotions, and certainly not the father ones either, "we want you to obey your mother, to 'love' - agree with her totally, not give her up, not to love the man, or change to any beliefs that men can be good and loving. To stand by your sister, and make him suffer!!!! Even if this is not how you feel, we will hook into your bit of childhood anger towards daddy being a naughty boy when he comes home late and drunk and "making" mum angry, and seeing daddy is not around much, mummy is the one you are going to get your 'love' from, and don't dare think that God can take our place!" Not very loving women that I attract. They don't do very nice stuff to my body, but they will go eventually once I get to these causal emotions.
My Body as the vehicle, the physical interface, the house, the temple on this earth, of my soul has inherited generational beliefs about birth, life, living, death, injuries, my parents beliefs and what I have experienced myself in my own limited belief system.
My body has been used by my parents as a tool for them to get their frustrations out on, physically or emotionally or spiritually, spirits have also GONE FOR IT, too, as mum and dad's soul condition offered little protection from this, same for them from their parents & generationally, since Amon & Aman. I have been beaten on, disregarded, belittled, objectified, owned, as a gender and a growing person. This taught me how & what to do to myself and others. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to love, but I cannot love in the way that God wants us to love if I do not want to love myself, every bit of me, without judgement, fear, shame, anger hate & want of punishment for being that bad child that mummy or daddy didn't want to love for some reason, although in their minds they did.
All this stuff keeps me & my body in a "human belief constructed cage" of what my body, my soul, I am capable of!!!!! Bring it on!!!!! I want to learn, I want to feel the truth, to be that perfect soul that I was created, and live it in this physical world, & in this spiritual world. I know I have been individualised as a half a soul, but feel I haven't fully experienced who I am yet! And that I could experience a great many things more yet, and that the greatest of these things would be to experiencing giving the gift of life to another incarnating soul. But as yet, this is in my Mind! Until my body reflects that state from my soul!
"Father this is my life and this is what I have done with it, and I haven't shown much gratitude for the Gift of Love that you have given to me. I cherish and grieve what I have left & what I have squandered on this earth, and in what I have learned and experienced in the spirit world, in my spirit form that lives and experiences life in both of these places.
Please show me the blocks to the truth why I do not want to experience how I feel as the individual, separate from these parents and these spirits.
I have not even thought to look at how I am in my spirit form, which shows all of my unhealed feelings and beliefs, that I have not wanted to look upon! All these great gifts and more! All there for us! To have that seeking attitude, to look, to act, to feel, to learn to grow." My gratitude grows.....
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