I had no idea really, or more like, I did, and just wanted to block out the knowledge that spirits are there constantly.
Where to start, I am 48 but have felt the effect of spirits with me at every part of my life. To set the scenario, I do not have any children here on the earth, although I do have a daughter that I aborted in my 20’s, I do have a relationship with her now. I am a medium, we all are, most of us are in denial in varying degrees.
My mother’s pride and joy to life in her younger days was that she, unlike the other siblings in her family did not “have” to get married. Society had harsh judgements about this. Mum was most upset when her first daughter became pregnant. It was a great shame that she did not want to feel, and wanted to sweep all of those feelings under the carpet. That daughter wasn’t me, it was my older sister. As for myself I was trying to avoid puberty, and becoming a woman, as I witnessed what happened to her as she became one. I didn’t want to be a female, it was a big enough shock when all of a sudden when it was becoming imminent, that I found out that being a female meant that you got periods, and bled from between your legs, that you had another part of you that wasn’t where the wee came out of, and that men would put their penis inside your vagina (oh, that is the name for that bit) to make a baby. An awful lot of shocks to get a handle on all a once. Nobody ever told me that any of this was coming! I managed to avoid periods until I was 16 ½ . Mum gave me a packet of pads when I was in grade 9 and going on a trip with the school for a couple of weeks, no explanation. I suppose that was probably more than what she got. Teenagers, such an embarrassment, to the parent, the parent feeling awkward about having to tell them all of this stuff that the teenager doesn’t want to know. I think it must have been a bit of a shock for dad too when he started to go out with mum as a teenager and was then becoming aware of the world of the woman. He came from a family of boys.
I didn’t want to be a male either, I wanted to be another sex, without the SEX and SEXUAL PARTS. I certainly did not want to be noticed by the opposite sex. (more influence from spirits)
I had looked in mum’s cupboard and saw a book that I suppose at some time she was going to give to either of us girls but chickened out on the opportunity. It talked about birds and bees, and flowery stuff that meant nothing at all. My sister on the other hand was reading books like “Lady Chatterlly’s Lover” and other assortments of books she could get her hands on, not knowing that I was reading these as well. Maybe I became a bit over educated, “too much information” to a young mind, that never got talked about, but I read in my efforts to get my hands onto some information to tell me what’s going on. Flowers, bees, honey nectar, all lovely and poetic.....people getting it off with rubber fetishes and the like, mmmmmm.....interesting education. ( I can see a spirits having a hand in that, using the situation for abuse of some kind, I don’t want to feel it yet though! There is gonna be a busload of spirits by the end of this)
Becoming a female growing up from a child girl, into a sexual female, meant you were all bad & wrong & shameful. Being a teenage/ young woman, and expressing yourself sexually, and allowing your female organs to do what comes so naturally, to people who don’t have any shame about this. To mum & dad, if you became sexual and pregnant, you were the SHAME of the family, that brought the family down to embarrassment, and that the parents did not want to feel that they had done a bad job of you as judged by society.
You were no longer feel a part of the family circle, to be trusted, no longer allowed to have any freedom, not allowed to be sexual! Teenagers were no good! A problem, a menace, not loved.
I learned from what my sibling experience, to get pregnant or to have the experience or bearing and birthing the child or raising the child, you were to “get rid of all traces of that child” (abort) you were treated badly, you were slapped harshly across the face by the father, after you went through the ordeal of what the parents ordered you to do, and kicked out of home, and not spoken to by the father for three years. REJECTED BIG TIME, if you did that.! This did not happen to me but I witnessed it happen to my very own sister. I did vow somewhere along the line that “I never want to get married and I never want to have children” (another bus load of spirits, I’m just a spirit magnet)
I was not told at the time what was going on, but in the soul, you know. I created a sculpture at school, it was the cut off waist to thigh section of a woman. It had a hole bursting out of the top, with an arm coming out in the original drawing, mum wouldn’t let me put the arm coming out, but instead I was allowed to put some prickly dried seed pods painted red exploding out. It was called “Abortion” I can’t remember whether I was “allowed” to call it that, or whether I secretly called it that, or just called it something else, just not calling it what mum would be wanting to avoid, without being asked.
These were the times when the pill came along, women began to have some power over their lives, married women could have a curete (legal) to give their working bits a good clean out. I have a feeling that there was a little brother that missed out on this earthly life. But mum says she has no Idea. Hey if you want to look on the internet about abortion procedures, there are heaps of things there to make you crawl!!!!! There is one there called the “silent scream”, there are also saline abortions, and survivors of failed saline abortions.
I did the same thing to myself, and my child when I had discovered I was pregnant to my boyfriend of 10yrs that I had recently spilt up with. By the way, my daughter’s name is Melody Joy, she also has two other female cousins in the spirit world, daughters of my sister from two separate abortions. My mother and my sister did not want to get to know these girls, even though my mother is a practicing medium, and my sister is not as sceptical. BIG REJECTION, all around, especially for the girls! We all passed our emotoins to our daughters to feel, not wanting to feel them ourselves.
The lady spirits, that hung around with me and my unhealed emotions did not find it a hard job at all to convince me, take my hand, and lead me to what, and where I needed to go to “get the job done”, and sweep this mess under the mat” (abort my child) just like mum, taking charge of my sister. Apparently we already know in our soul what sex the child is. If it was a boy, I wonder if I would have still aborted? (with the emotional damage & spirit influence I had, probably)
Anyway, I have spent the rest of my life regretting what I have done, and trying to make peace with it, wondering why I did it. I thought, I would just be able to have another child when it was convenient for me, and at the time thought that, that child’s spirit would just come back again when the time was right for me. I had wishy washy ideas based on what I thought was a convenient truth for me at the time about babies souls, I don’t know when I thought that they were classed as real, alive, judged my babies soul to be not real, unimportant, not really something that I murdered, so that I did not have to feel the reality of what I had done, and that part of soul I knew it was wrong, it was murder, somewhere in my sleep state experiences I knew what was the truth , conveniently forgetting, and not allowing myself to be guided by my own conscience or noticing that I had a conscience.
I attracted a man that I married, that had had his “operation” in his previous marriage (Had his nuts done in), had the tubes cut and folded back & stapled, it think....that no longer linked up the sperm’s freedom to escape during the act of sex. It seemed to cause him some momentary pain when he came (pleasure and pain) So I attracted a man who also had many emotional injuries about children. He said he would get it reversed if I wanted to have children, but this never happened. Neither of us wanted this in our souls, although, I secretly wanted it (in my mind), without telling him, feeling that he really didn’t mean what he said, thought I would be ok, not having children, watching other people having them, and enjoying them, or being mean to them, but it became more and more a bone of contention. Me not wanting to feel that “missing out” &“not allowed” from mum & dad controlling that event with my sister.
I controlled my female pet cat and dog too, lined them up to go and have their litter bearing bits out. The boys have kept their nuts though. Interesting. I noticed my mother couldn’t wait to get the nuts cut off her young male dog she has had after a succession of female dogs. I noticed I like to say nuts and cocks, like power words, (hello spirit influence, they try to get in there where they can). With penis, I am still discovering how I am feeling about that word. Years ago thought that vagina was a wishy washy word and had a desire for it to have some sort of power (or was that my desire?) I think it is a nice word now!
I Split with my husband after 10ys, (many other mum & dad issues ). Here I am 37, running out of time, as it seemed, I need a man, any man, will you be my man, and have babies with me was my motto! Poor men, poor babies, no wonder none of them wanted to come to the party! (well if that’s not an invitation for spirits, I don’t know what is!)
Found a nice man, who was desperate to have children, as he was feeling the pull of time. The thought of this went into every orgasm, the orgasms were great! I don’t really think I enjoyed sex much until then. It seemed I was accepting my womanly bits at long last! It is sad to think now, that I was probably having sex with other spirits at the same time as with my partner. (mmmm how do I feel about that, don’t want to visit that one!)
Then for me fibroids came instead. Right were the baby would be nestled. Many, many, many, (reflecting many injuries) and over time slowly growing bigger . Boy did my soul not want to have children, so afraid, even though in my mind I wanted to. So I did the alternative ways to shrink the fibroids, do all the physical stuff, with the aim of healing to then be able to have a child, my original child. I managed to shrink the fibroids but it seemed that I then became infertile, not ovulating, periods getting further and further apart. It seemed like menopause was going to be next. At the time my best friend was so happy herself, gleeful really, in that she was getting early onset of menopause. I hated the idea! My soul obviously was “fighting back” and loving the idea of getting to the other side of life without having to have a child. Or did the spirit women love this idea. What Truly my desire
So the next thing was to keep on the healthy alkaline foods, but get off the soy products and the wild yam cream being rubbed constantly into my womb area to try to become fertile again. But then the fibroids just got big again and in the way, a babe would not fit in there, where it was meant to join onto, there were too many unhealed emotions feeding off me. And Spirits it seemed , looking back now, with a bit more knowledge.
When the fibroid stuff first started, I had attracted women friends or relatives or neighbours, saying they were so happy when they had had a hysterectomy! My mother had, had her tubes tied many years ago, and was pro- hysterectomy, which the woman & man doctors were advocating. My sister also was pro,- hysterectomy. Just whip in and get it whipped out, & it’s done, get rid of the bloody thing!! I was feeling at the time that everyone had it in for my uterus! I had my Toyota Land Cruiser repainted, I called it “My Uterus” I was so proud of my lovely refurbished “uterus” mum seemed very ashamed of my public adoration of my uterus/”Uterus”.
I had been delving into all sorts of spiritual stuff , in my search to heal myself, Brandon Bays Journey work, you name it, I became a junkie! But becoming tired of it, it didn’t seem to work on me!
Along comes AJ, aka, Yeshua, woah, my soul began to sing!!!!!! At first, I came from the angle of me – my – body, wanting to heal my uterus, the body, delve into all of these emotions impeding me, my body, in desperation, that was the priority. The priority now seems to be coming from a desire to know my soul and what lies in there, the real me and what my real feelings and beliefs are, that my body reflects in this earthly vehicle that I interact with, and also my spiritual body that I interact with in the spiritual world And starting to become the major priority, getting to know the Creator of my soul, my real parent, God.
This has been such a wonderful place to get to, to attract to me in the first place, all of this Universal and Personal Truth to come to me to learn. If you haven’t had any investigation into these Truths, have a look at the websites, Divine Truth, to do with AJ Miller and Mary Luck, & God’s way of Love, Although many times when it has seemed like it has gotten too hard, and feeling like giving up, I seem to put my hand to that something in all of the many hours of talks & notes, that have come to us from God, via AJ, Yeshua, AJesus, as the Celestial spirits used to love to address him by a few years back. My guides direct me right to the Truths I need to hear at the time.
Mmmmm what is thisI ask myself!!!!!! Aaaaahhhh yes, there are so many, many many women spirits who do not want me, or any one of us to escape their clutches! In my case that they have held me in since I was in my mother’s womb!
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