I Discovered Through Desire to Know What Beliefs I Have In Error, Inside of Me Emotionally & Through Processing These Emotions, One Facet of Why Have I Been Angry At Men

Well here was one discovery, I felt through........what triggered it was I was at a music festival that there were lots and lots of grey-haired nomads. Old age retirees that travel around in Caravans from place to place to see the countryside and enjoy the lifestyle.

 It was a Balladeers Festival, I was watching a white haired lady singing, she had painted on cheeks all roses, her falsies (false teeth) were white and glowing/glinting, but something was hitting the pit of my stomach, it didn’t seem all roses. (there was something harsh in her that was hurting a part of me)  The facades were all smiles, but the songs were all about hardships and cruelties of life that they had endured, and that in my own life I will never have to endure (because their suffering has made it an easier world for us, and we will never really understand what hardships they endured.....and so on) but she was still lamenting, in a jolly way.  The trigger seemed to start here, as in these old people with lots of sorrow in their lives that they hadn’t really worked through yet emotionally.  I started to feel afraid of them, and felt that it was unloving  of me to not investigate further and asked God what this was about.   It took me back emotionally to being a child, being afraid of the facade of old people, like my grandmother & grandfather, any old person,  who under the friendly facade, their denied feelings in their soul were hitting hard on an open child’s heart, and very painful to me, and the spirits that surrounded them as well that oozed these feelings like open wounds.  Taking it out on me somehow.

This then went to dad bringing home many spirits from the pub.  Many of them older people, scarey people, oozing people, to a child who could see, hear, smell, feel their soul conditions, and being so sensitive to their unfelt emotions that they projected at every moment and also acted upon, there was no way they thought that either parent was still open enough to feel what they were doing, or that that parent would believe a child,  if the child were game enought to speak out about the spirits were doing....doing some of  the horrible acts, like what had been possibly done to these old spirits as children, now perpetrators.  I don’t remember the acts that they actually did, I don't know if in the future I will, I just remember the feelings of it.  It felt really yuck, I had lots of grief of the way I felt, & some shame.

At one part of it there was some anger & fear that was blocking the grief.  Lots of grief that daddy didn’t protect me......he had no idea of what was going on, ( so he couldn’t really help me ) and I was feeling like he didn’t really want to,  or that he cared not, to know what the alcohol & his own unhealed emotions brought home with him &  that I didn’t even believe God would protect me.   The injured child in me believing  at the age that I am now, and after all the things that I am learning (intellectually until it hits the soul as a knowing ) about God and Truth & Love, the Universe & the spirit world  ( see http://www.divinetruth.com/ ) believing that God cannot now protect me, which is untrue.    God was showing me the Truth though,  as I feel all the way through my emotions and remove all of these fears, that I cannot be harmed.  Only when I have these fears locked inside of me, that I am able to be harmed. 

The anger came about through an injury from mum and generational women, as in a belief that it is the males job in life to protect the females, & that’s what a female expects a male to do.   Dad was very protective of his  wife & family from any verbal & physical harm, but he was totally ignorant to any harm coming from the spirit world, and the entourage that he  brought home with him that would torment me so, and the rest of the family, but they had all shut it out, shut their emotions off to a certain extent by then and were unaware and did not know any better.

Not sure if this anger towards males is all worked through yet, but I thought it was worth a mention too, as it may be of some help to any that know they have still some anger inside, to do with males, that may come from a similar feeling.   Anyway this is where my law of attraction led me to, all that was required was for me to want to feel it, and ask God to show me the Truth about myself and how my feelings have kept & still keep me out of harmony with love,  a simple way, really to get back into harmony with God's Love.