My Desire, To Aid Another in Deciding Not To Abort & Why, Through Sharing My Own Experience

"I have written many blogs to do with abortion, so I invite you to read them, if you have had an aborttion yourself, are thinking of having one, have been a failed attempt at abortion, are a partner to the woman who has had an abortion,   have had no say, have had a say, have helped others to have an abortion, has forced another to have an abortion, are pro abortion...............this is how I have been emotionally working through the fact that I chose to have an abortion, and regretted that I did it for the rest of my life, and how it effected me & my child that I aborted....  I'm gonna say it, yes killed!!!!!   Please do not take this as a judgement as it is intended as a statement of Truth"

if you wish to find more infor about the Human Soul, go to http://www.divinetruth.com/ and look in Yeshua & Mary's MP3 seminar section.  

Anyway here is my blog for the day......If I am in pain, then I am out of harmony with LOVE,   a simple gauge to guide you on The Way of Love

I didn't have any idea of how much I hated being a female, some emotions were triggered, and I found myself letting out some resentment to God about being a female, adult resentment and differernt ages, all the way back to my childhood.  This was the start of my processing for the evening. I was experiencing a lot of period pain......

Period Pain

From what I can gather, when we are in total harmony with love, we females will only have a period, in getting ourselves ready to have each baby. It will be more consciously directed from Love, towards readying the womb, each time we are wanting to give the gift of life to a little babe, readying that beautiful nurturing place, for the Great Gift of a new soul from God,  to enter into the genetic physical and spiritual bodies made by ourselves as the genetic parents to start experiencing itself as an individual surrounded & nutured in total Love, rather than emotional error. 

Still being very much out of harmony with Love,  I was in a great deal of pain last night,   I learned  during my emotional process that I still did not love my uterus, I did not see it as the Gift, and what a Great Gift it is to be female, what a Marvellous Gift that a child is, what a privilege it is to to have the opportunity to express my love, in Giving this Gift to a little soul!!!!!!! 
Coming out the other side of a lot of grief though, and more remorseful  of how I have treated my own aborted daughter, I have experienced such love for her, myself as the female that God created my half of my soul to be.  I have felt deeply, cupping my uterus in my heart and in my hands....my own self now, and as that little growing seed inside the womb (myself), my own daughter (that I aborted) inside my own womb, and being loved by God in all of this.  I felt a tremendous amount of Love, lightness, healing, nurturing going on within the cells of my womb, and of course, no more pain......These feelings only came to me AFTER processing many emotions very much the opposite to these!!!!

How did these emotions come about to me?  After the spack attack, and quite a bit of rage, feeling how much I didn't like being a female (was a bit of a shock ).  Starting with just crying into the pain, I had been having powerful feelings, that no matter how hard I try, I can never please a woman,(going right back to mum stuff) having a law of attraction lately of lots of women wanting to have my time, for me to give to them of me, and my feelings (addictions for acceptance, identity) like I have to keep giving, until there is nothing I have left to give, and still this does not satisfy their needs, that I can never escape this, and that I am a failure as a woman, not just as a female.   This was somewhere in the whole rabbit hole of emotions that came about,   it was related to spirits, both male and female, mum & dad's projections, of not wanting a child, or a girl child (me), angry exes, sexual projections and angry sexual projections from spirits and people, feeling like the injured child, feeling like a little baby, a little toddler asking God innocently “why do they do that, what did I do?”  Simply feeling the pain of all sorts of projections going into the uterus area ,  hitting it slamming it, abusing it, (showing me what to do in my own self abuse for being that thing, that was not wanted, for having that sexual organ that was despised, shameful & disgusting).  Feeling so much grief that they would want to do that,  not a blaming type of feeling but from the powerless injured childself bereft of what I did.

There was some more grief of what I had done to previous partners.  I experienced grief, that I had not been able to previously get past the resentment of, what two of them "had done to me"(previously only wanting to blame).   I see now, the ones that I was still resenting, that I had demanded that they love me,   and what do I feel when somebody demands love from me?????  I don’t really want to give it!!!!!!   Aaah, that’s why one was mean and the other didn’t want to stick around.  Other partners that I have had were much easier to forgive, because I didn’t have to demand love from them (in my addiction to be "loved" by a male ), they gave it willingly (out of their addiction to be "loved" by a female), won’t go into their's ,  or my reasons too much now.

Unwanted Pregnancy

General feelings of mum not really wanting to be pregnant again, at that very moment an inconvenience, for whatever was going on in her life, (surmising now) although later when she got used to the idea, would have probably been happy enough to have another child.  She did say the words to me as an adult, that I was a wanted child, so the idea of me must have grown on her.   But in those moments of not wanting to be pregnant there were so many feelings that entered into me, nestled in her womb, but not comfortingly so.   
These are the feelings that I gave to my own daughter to experience while she was in my uncomforting womb, plus more, while she was being aborted.  It must have felt like an extremely hostile place, a trap, a prison, a chamber of horrors that her screams of terror were never heard.........Certainly not a gift of Love, at all....... 

I see this so clearly now as a causal reason/emotion that helped me to form these beliefs that were my motivation,  that were out of harmony with love,  and behind me descision as a leading force to have this pregnancy termination, and commit the act of murder that it was. That no other excuses of why I told myself that I was doing it are resonalble or can change that simple truth.

No words can Truly explain your own emotional experience

 That’s along the lines of what I felt, it is difficult to put into words, that which you have experienced emotionally, but I do have a strong desire to share, if that is an addiction I am sure it will be shown to me in the future.

Mill J