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| My Daughter, Melody-Joy, who lives in the spirtit world I drew this pastel drawing in about 2008, I didn't know at the time who I was drawing. I draw spirits, and found out afterwards who this lovelly girl was. She is in her 20's now. I had experiences of her coming to me at younger ages, in meditation, I was at her birthaday, on a beautiful grassy island, she came to me one time and gave me a flower!!!!! But the realisation that she did, and does still exist, has helped me to be able to feel what I actually did, and to grow a desire to get deeper into the feelings of why I did it, what emotional belifes inside of me caused me to go ahead with haveing an abortion. And to realise, that I can actually can be forgiven.....but I did need to acutually feel the reality of what I did do..... |
All comes down to, why did I do it? There will be many reasons for this, make a big list, I did! But the nuts and bolts of it was, I was avoiding a deep feeling within myself and I would rather get rid of the so called "cause of my feelings at this moment" (not the real cause ).
I didn't want to choose love....to be humble.... and feel all of my feelings and my painful personal truths that are unexpressed in my soul.....from my own conception, my life that I added to these feelings (my filter now to expreience life through). I did not want to feel my own feelings of rejection and lack of love, and I passed it on just as generations before me onto the new innocent soul, coming to life within my womb!!!!!!
This little soul, coming from a 6th sphere perfected state of love, gets from me, & her father, & the environment, all emotions, truthful and ones, & ones full of error, about love. From me personally, all of my unhealed emotional errors in my life as the filter, that she feels from the moment of incarnation into my womb, the act of the abortion.... her murder, her total emotional rejection, physical rejection, the pain of being killed, the grief of all of this..... when this little soul came into this world to experience her individuality, via conception into the genetic bodies provided for her, full of love......then to uncaringly destroyed & discarded, and not to be thought of as having any existance!
By the way, this soul I am talking about, her name is Melody-Joy. When she was killed......go onto the abortion websites if you haven't already & have a look what happens.......she was chased around in my womb and sucked out, piece by piece..... Imagine the utter agony of being ripped and sucked appart, this innocent, beautiful loving soul, that incanated into the womb, gets downloaded with some emotional injuries from both parents, feels her murder and rejection, experienced through the filters of these feelings she inherited, that have been dumped onto her, because I chose to do the same as previous genrations. Well actually they only thought about getting rid of their own children, mum, did though, decide to force my sister into aborting her child, as a pregnant teenager, mentioned in previous posts.....more than that, I actually decided myself, to get rid of the "problem" ....that's what I was shown, was ok......I din't even think, or feel.....
I became a murderer, Kama, the Law of Compensation upon my soul, one of God's Loving Laws, until I am willing to feel every bit of agony that I forced upon this beautiful soul, who by the way was not really my own child, a possesion, to do whatever I chose to do to. As a soul myself, created by God, I am her sister, she is my equal, I was her caretaker, of her soul which was created by God, just like mine, to look after her until she was able to look after herself, but some emotion in me, didn't want to give her that Gift!!! God is the True Parent to both of us. I did away with my sister, God's child and each soul being made up of two half souls, another half soul's soulmate! Have I been remorseful for what I have done to her? To God, about doing away with his child? To her soulmate?
I thought about none of this at the time. I was numb, and numbly went about organising the abortion. First I went and had some accupuncture, the first accupuncturist would not do any accupuncture on me, the second lady did, the idea was to see if the child would leave by her own accord. I first experienced her as green and yellow within the womb, and she felt so beautiful........I din't consciously know she was a girl, but in my soul, or the unconscious as some say, I already knew that she was a girl? Why did I not at this stage not go ahead with the abortion? Emotional injuries out of harmony with love that clouded my feelings, numbed my thinking even. Did I have an emotional judgement of bringing another female into the world? Did I resent being a female? I would now say yep! And there were so many more out of whack beliefs, why wouldn't I have this child and if I still didn't feel I would make a good parent, why wouldn't I give her a chance of life with other parents? Or did I have little trust in others that they wouldn't do it right either? So I just took total charge, I din't give her a choice, she had no voice, she could not be heard, I took away her life, her experience of herself on this one was a guesome, tortured, voiceless one, "the silent scream", not over in just a quick painless moment!!!
Until then, I had done the act, I only had murderous thoughts, like previous generations, angrily saying to their children, somethin like " I'm gonna kill you little bastards", which in itself although not followed though on, has a harmful effect on the child's belief about themselves, even if only thought by the parent and not expressed verbally, the child will feel it, as though they are to blame for the thoughts & feelings of the parents.
After then, I did the act, I became a murderer, harming another soul, to the greatest degree that one can.
I WANTED MY REASONS TO SUPPORT MY DESIRE FOR CONVENIENCE, AND REMOVAL OF A "PROBLEM" THAT BOUGHT TROUBLED FEELINGS TO ME PREFERING TO STAY IN IGNORANCE, OF HER INCARNATED SOULS EXISTANCE, WITHIN THE WOMB, THEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO FEEL THE REALITY OF WHAT I HAD DONE
It is very convenient to stay in ignorance and have wishy washy ideas about the reality of the feelings of a foetus, and also think, well in this state it is legal, so I will bypass my heart and go with my thoughts which just tell me, it will be ok! To get rid of the cause of all of these unpleasant fears & feelings.
DEEP SOMEWHER INSIDE OF US THERE IS A KNOWINGNESS THAT TELLS US THAT SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT ABOUT IT......often gets drowned out by the rest.
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, if you can, that would be my advice, don't listen to the intellectual chatter and the fears!!!!
By the way, I have been getting into my feelings of rejection and lack of love (the real cause, from my own incarnation into the womb & world). I have been willing to feel every bit of what I forced my daugher to endure in the womb and when her silver chord was severed, that connected her spirit body to her physical body leaving this physical life, that had been taken away from her.
My Law of Attraction, which is there to help me and to guide me the feelings that I need to feel. My feelings about spirits just taking over my life!!!!!! These spirits being part of my environment in the womb and as a growing babe, that influenced my life so much into feeling that I didn't really get much of a go at life myself, and my willingness, my addictions as to what emotions I would avoid in giving the spirits what they wanted! Absorbing their emotional errors about love as well.....mmmm where do I go from here, well where have I done THAT!!!!!! This particular connection has passed by me until now (as in my Law of Attraction with the spirits and what that mirrors in relation with my daughter I aborted) Somwhere for the spirts, this will reflect in their own lives too! Where they feeling like they missed out alot on life!!!!! And now too, with me, until I have fully felt this feeling of grief in my soul, in my sleep state, will I overcloak other people that I feel have had a better life than me, what are they complaing about!!!
My prevous rebellion to mum's control & spirits control, and grief of mum and dad not able to protect me from the damage of their own emotional errors, which attracted the sprits in the first place.
This lack of love that caused my grief that I did not want to feel, I added to this error in my life, by my own actions, I projected it out to the world and passed the "hot potatoe" to my innocent daugther to feel!!!!! In that act, also judging her existance, or in my mind "non existance" non importance.....as lesser than me.
To think that I could be guilty of the same thing as many spirits that I have unlovingly accused, and not own how I have felt about that. And that I have probablly, not only taken the life of my own daughter, in my actions towards her, that I have harmed the life of other innocent souls as well, who are just trying to live their lives.
SOMETHING A LITTLE WIERD & FREAKY Feeling confused, I am on another subject here, that may go into the charts as being wierd & freaky. I am talking about me, in my sleepstate, where my own spirit has the opportunity to investigate the spirit world, not hampered by travel, can visit anywhere on earth, in the earthsphere, and the spirit world, according to the desires within the person's soul Now the harm I am feeling sorry for is for when I have overcloaked another person when I am in sleep state, and they are on the other side of the world in wake state......just like other spirits from the spirit world, and other people's spirits while they are in sleepstate, have done to me or others ..........my own spirit, when I leave my body in sleep state, at nightime, influencing the awake state of another person's life and the descions they make........... I have been just like these spirits, and asleep people's spirits who have influenced me into making totally unloving choices......I have really hated that they can do that, and I have done that too.......I NOW AM JUST GETTING THAT AS A SOUL REALISATION.......have to go now for a break to feel the reality of this discovery, in my heart now....
Are you confused, look at AJ & Mary's talk about "what we do in our sleep state" on the Divine Truth site on You Tube or Mp3 downloads on http://www.divintruth.com/
If you have read my previous blogs, the jigsaw pieces are all starting to join together!!!
MY ABORTED DAUGHTER, NOW IN THE SPIRIT WORLD, MISSING OUT ON A LIFE IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD, REINCARNATION NOT AS COMMON AS WE ARE LEAD TO BELIEVE
Yes I had convenient, wishy washy thoughts that my daughter would just come back when I wanted her again, when it would be more convenient, she could reincarnate easily, and get another go at a life. But I have learned much since then, and that the reincaranation that we all only ever knew wishy washy ideas about, has only been possible for a very small number of people so far, not common like we have all thought. I never thought of the other lives that were effected by my descision either.
My daughter for starters, not only did she totally miss out on a life here on earth, she also was in extreme emotional trauma, all caused by me, experienced in my womb, until her silver chord was severed and her physical body died then she went in summerland, she was held by loving nursing spirits, until her trauma was fully felt and grieved, this helpless little baby now in spirit body. I was numbly unaware of this, athough somewhere in my soul, my unconscious I know this.
I am accountable for this terrible traumatic event of her murder, her physical suffering and pain and her emotional pain, caused from my unwanted feelings, of feeling unwanted, that simply I could have owned, and wanted to blame the influence of spirits upon me for doing this act, manipulating me. I still did it. It is upon my soul. God's Law of Compensation which acts upon my soul, helps me to come back into harmony with Love.
Her soulmate died when he was five, whether this effected him, as in not he felt her on the earth anymore, and made a descision to pass to be where she was? I don't know if that is true or not yet. If he had still been alive on earth, he missed out on sharing his earth life with the possibility of finding her and having a life together here. So I stuffed their earth lives togther.
I didn't tell my partner that he was a father
My partner didn't even know (we had just split up ), I told him recently though, our paths were put together for a while again......he didn't get ay say at the time, I didn't tell him, I just dumped him. I found out recently he actually never had another child with his next partner. God didn't even get a look in either, as I was thinking that my daughter was my possesion, or didn't really exist, to do with what I saw fit at the time, as she was of no consequence. Not even thinking about God, as the True parent of this child. I had visited how God feels about the murder of one of his children , or what I would be fearfull of that God might think.
My daughter & her soulmate have been working together towards reincarnation, which cannot happen until a soulmate pair reach the 36th sphere now, ( you can become at-one with God as an individual in the 8th sphere ) and getting closer to God as a whole soul, their true parent, hoping that they will be able to reincarnate to experience a life on earth togther that they missed out on. I realise the best gift that I can now give to her is to want to feel every emotion and to the cause, as I am no longer projecting any bit onto her......and for my own progression totally wanting to feel the pain that I have caused to her and her soulmate, my partner, and God, and to any that I have encouraged to make unloving choices, for example, the accupuncturist and the abortionist, those that I have overcloaked in sleep state, and anyone else I have yet forgotten.
I guess I have repeated myself a bit here, but I feel it is so important.
For more information go to http://www.divinetruth.com/ about MP3 talks about The Secrets of the Universe, which explains the process of incarnation and reincaration, and about AJ, aka Jesus and Mary Luck, his soumate, Mary Magdalena walking and teaching here on earth again.
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