FAMILY BELIEF SYSTEM

sOME TIME IN MAy or jUNE?

Some words from my Guides this morning, “Don’t fight it feel it” in regards to my LOA.  Act out of Faith not fear”.

Is different to fighting the feeling in my addiction to not wanting the way my LOA brings to me the true feelings & beliefs about myself in my soul.

Self Reliance – Angry women spirits who want to numb out of the way they feel & they believe that they cannot be helped, only to help themselves.

Emotion last night – trigger being woven into my sisters storey, she named me the character in her storey as “left over”  Feeling into how low I have been made to feel.

Judging mum, never want to be like her – repentance this morning to those that I have judged & myself.

About when I was learning & teaching others,  to recognize in my heart how arrogant I have become, and was in an addiction to high jump my LOA to feel special, chosen. (picked out by AJ, who at the time was only getting two helpers who at that point in time were more humble than the others, in my case, not for long though).  At that time my soul condition wasn’t too bad, and I was able to learn a bit quicker than some of the others.  But this has since from my arrogance impeded my learning and my soul has darkened as I have judged others, needing my help, as lesser, and something about myself as superior.

Felt so numbed all night – taken over, but don’t know really, or more likely don’t want to know.  Angry women threatening me,  they want to use me to get their anger out, but I need to process my childhood rage safely so that I am doing mine & not theirs.

Some come up at some point.  Mum’s jealousy.  Sister feeling so low about herself that she wants to spread it to my brother & I so that we feel low too.

Mum on one hand wants me to be a success – but when I am she is jealous.  Seeing mum jealous of Brother’s approval of an Aunty and his admiration for her being funny.  We are all jealous of each other.  Me jealous that Sister is funny & clever with humour.  Me jealous that brother has a high intelligence.  Me being put down by mum, believing & judging me that I am a sucker, that I believe in any crack pot & have the wool pulled over my eyes – and that she has used and played that innocent, trusting quality in me to control me,  and that she mocks and judges it in me, that quality, as having less intelligence.  If you get tricked easily, and have this trusting quality in your soul, you are not intelligent.

So therefore if you do not trust you display more intelligence to those that “count” and judge you and approve of you or not.  I can see clearly these are all such emotional beliefs that are all wrong and see how easily you can believe them.  If your heart is open and trusting and have faith with your feelings, (rather than logical & being able to prove something )then you are dumb & unintelligent.

Flipside – blindfaith, trusting without questioning.

Truth is logical, there is a way that we can learn or unlearn, to have proof.  But we can get carried away with this way as well,  and become self reliant.

Am I content to accept the dictates of my fellow?  For example, emotional beliefs in error, about being told what to believe and follow. (tendency to think that I am not allowed to follow my own path of enquiry, that differs to what the family unit tell me I should believe and follow the same as they do )

I am ALLOWED to reason & to find out & investigate the truth!!!!!!!

Just because I have this nature inside of me does not make me lesser or wrong or BAD or wanting to hurt another because I don’t believe in what they believe in.

Is the other afraid to investigate for themselves?  To trust their own powers of reasoning?  And perhaps be a lone sheep?  Or do they truly fear being a lone sheep?

I am allowed to not believe in what my family believes in.  Am I afraid to be not one of that flock, to be rejected by it.  I am not hurting them in any way, I am not rejecting them.  Just the beliefs that i have had imposed upon me, that I have accepted, to be accepted and ALL to feel like I belong.