MOTHERS DAY God, My Mother! – I love you!!!!!

Wow, what a gift I have received today, which is the day after Mother’s Day, my Daughter came to me and surrounded me with her love!!!!!!    I recognized and recieved love from her mother that took care of her in the spirit world, and I recieved love from God!!!!!

I spent a lot of time grieving in the evening of mother’s day, allowing my emotions that have been in there waiting to come out and for me to express to God how I Feel.  Won’t go into details too much, but in the vein of, feeling that I am not ever going to be in the class of a real woman, as I have not been a mother to a child. All sorts of feelings about my desperation about wanting to become a mother at around 36- 7 when I had split with my husband, who did not want children, putting out to any man my feelings of desperateness to any new prospect of a partner that their job was to impregnate me, putting out to a little unborn baby’s soul, that they already had a job to make me feel satisfied as a mother & whole as a woman, putting out there to my female bits that they HAD to perform as time was running out!!!!!!!!  Such demand, expectations and unlovingness, to others and my own body and my female body parts.

Also, there were some feelings about being 49 next year, with the prospect of motherhood,  judging by the norm, that it is a thing of non-existance now for me, and that menopause is coming up, and that will be the end, that I have nothing to look forward too, that I am a total FAILURE as a woman.

Such deep feelings like, I am a waste.  A man has said to just last week ( I did not get into the feelings of it ) something a bit like,  my talent has been such a waste,  about the use of my paintings on cards that I sell (his own regrets about his own father’s paintings that his father only printed up as cards, and people never got to see the real paintings which he stored).....I do have regualr exhibitions of my art.  Last year my own mother has said to me previously, that my talent has been a waste, (also her own regrets about not having the opportunity to follow a career of art or singing, either side of motherhood).

 I have never been able to get into the feeling of it as deeply as I did last night.  Not realising to the extent how deep this feeling goes in my soul, not only about art or singing, my expression of myself as an individual,  but the full expression of myself as a woman, and the feeling of missing out on experiencing motherhood. 

I remembered at school how girls went to motherhood class at highschool, boys didn't do any of that sort of thing, and how inept I felt, that I should somhow now know how to do it all, if it happened that I became a mother, when I still felt like a child,  and that this is all that females were invented for. Such a small amount of time in my life given to learning about such an IMPORTANT JOB. 

When that was done, not talked about by mum, I still hadn't had a period either, so I only knew what little was said about that,  well at least I had had that. Sex was shown on an 1/2 hour show, and that was that as well!!!!! Not much time given to teaching real life knowledge for the important jobs that were expected that you would be doing one day......there is more here in these particular topics that I have not felt my way through yet.

I could also feel my Great Aunty Jess's influence, who was a spinster, (my dad's aunty ) in her life she never became a wife (aparently got jilted ) a mother, she did get to live with my Grandmother  &  Grandfather (dad’s mum & dad ) & help raise their children.   There seemed to be much generational grief come out, as I expressed and experienced my own grief.

After receiving such beautiful love wrapping around me, I also felt the love come to me from the beautiful Celestial Spirit, who has been my daughter’s mother in the spirit world.  They were both giving me such glorious love,   it helped me to lift my grief out, and also to be filled with Joy in that recognition in my heart that God is really and Truly my Mother, and loves each and every one of us so much, and  has taken care of the most minute details in the running of the spirit world as well!....... For any and all of her own children to be taken care of, beyond death.   God’s hand of Love has been there for my daughter, she has had parents, gaurdians, caretakers, to take care of her and to show her love, that have done that out of pure desire to love her little soul, as an extension of God’s Arms of Love.  Showing me what it is to be a parent/guardian, the unselfishness and pureness of what the gift of a True parent is, when in harmony with God.

Feeling so tiny in my infancy of understanding God’s love, like a minute spec, like a cell, in a body of cells, that God knowing every one of my cells, and loving them, caring for each part of my body, knows everything about it, about me,  about how I am feeling at every second,  feeling compassion for me and where I am at, and at the same time has so much care for everyone of her children, that she also knows everything and cares about every feeling inside each and every other soul that she has ever created in this Universe, and the care and thoroughness in the creation of this universe that he/she have created for us, his children to enjoy and grow in.   And yet, she can somehow individually hold us in her Arms of Love, at every moment, every one of us having the abitity and opportunity of feeling her love personally. 

I feel a bit inadequate to describe what I experienced, but attempted it anyway.  I doesn’t seem quite the same, I apologise, me explaining what I have learned, as experiencing the wonder of the revelation when you receive the knowledge of it in your heart!!!

I felt a bit later too, about that the Celestial Spirit who has been Mother to Melody Joy, the daughter that I once aborted, has been a soul mate pair, as in both parents, guardians, who have looked after her just  like God our mother & father, that the experience of motherhood & fatherhood is so much more of a totally whole shared experience between two people.  (a little bit more in feelings since my blog about future shared pregnancy feelings between soulmate pairs)

This last bit, that I am also adding, may be just from my mind, as I don’t know this in my heart for sure, but a feeling in me ( I want to learn more about) that soul mate pairs who have the passion for raising children come to take care of the souls of little ones who have passed into the spirit world, and have experienced what that particular child is experiencing, themselves, and are the best teachers and parents for these children, from what they themselves have experienced and now have the passion to help others of their younger brothers and sister's going through similar to what they did. 

I am also feeling so much more compassion for my own dear mother who actually did choose to give to me the beautiful gift of life, and chose to give me the gift of her love.   I haven't talked much about dad here in this equation, so I guess there is more emotions to feel through about that.......

Anyway Goodnight, and may you desire to feel the Love of your True Parent, and be comforted by those Arms of Love!!!!