Positively Responding To Spirit Influence

 

Here's some amazing seminars from the Divine Love Channel with Mary & Jesus

 

God's Children

"God's Children" A Gift from the soul. Painting this one helped me personally to feel into emotions to do with having an abortion and about the Truth of Children being God's Children, that we are their guardians while they are on this earth, that we are also children of God, brothers and sisters of our children who we are the genetic parents of. 

I also painted this with others in mind, who are grieving, and wanting to own their feelings, to perhaps pass on some Truths that I have learned, soul to soul.   To those of you who have had an abortion, miscarried, have had a child go to the spirit world before they had a whole life time in this physical world. 

To find out more about abortion and miscarriage, go to

Divine Truth FAQ Channel on You Tube (simple questions and answers ) 

and Divine Truth Channel (longer 1 - 2hr seminar on a variety of topics

  

An Example Of A Simple Emotional Process - A great big "Cause" of many emotional beliefs causing later events in my life

Emotional Beliefs from your childhood can stunt the growth of your soul and cause you to act on these beliefs many times over in your life, that stunt your soul more each time.

Not losing sight that this emotion is the cause of why I want to please my daddy, and finding in recent post the selfish reason I had for aborting my child, was to please a new lover in fear of losing his love.

An example of a simple process, of Emotional processing.   An emotional event that stirs up some feelings, just feeling into the pains in the body (resistance) , not rejecting that feeling, asking God to hold me while I feel.
What started the pain, was my feelings of anger towards my partner, I was being unloving and judging what he was doing that didn't please me (capping & blocking emotions...my resistance), rather than feeling how I was truly feeling (causes)
After allowing my current adult feelings, this triggered my feelings of how I felt about my dad in my childhood, how his drinking kept him away from home well into the evening, grief & hopelessness,  fear,  mum's feelings like the alcohol being a lover that you can never get rid of, and such rage towards this "lover" and the grief of not having his love.
Breathing into the pain on both sides of my lower tummy area, some rage from my partner/dad's projections of rage too, about being made feel guilty and feeling like not having free will to do as he pleases.  Feeling into my feelings of grief of not feeling dad's love, that he did not want to spend time with me and play with me.  Simple feelings in a small babes existence. Feeling to blame, that it is my fault, and feeling the grief of feeling that way.  Just allowing those feelings of fear & grief flow out of me.
Then pain in my left shoulder, so heavy such a big burden, mum's belief's about men in your life, this emotional belief having become my own, that having them in your life makes life harder, not any easier. The grief of this heavy, heavy burden of feeling like the day to day bringing up children is so hard to bear, no help coming from the man, feeling no love, no valued family time with the husband, just emotional struggle.  Grief of the years and years of feeling this way.

I knew in my mind that those sorts of feelings were there (intellectual ). It has taken such a long time to want to not reject feeling unloved to this extent and to surrender to the overwhelm of these feelings.
Here's another thing, never judge a simple feeling and push it aside as being insignificant to your growth if you allow yourself to feel it. It could be the key to some of your deepest feelings that are the core of your emotional damage.

Want to know more about delving into the emotions inside your soul.  Go to Divine Truth Channel on You Tube and Divine Truth FAQ Channel.

 

Finding The Way Back to Forgiveness & Happiness

 

Here is a link to a movie I was watching recently.  What a movie of hardship, survival & endurance, a group of people who had escaped from being prisoners, into the wild freezing Siberia, found their way through to Mongolia, Tibet, extremes of temperatures, and beyond, this movie had me feeling into some feelings in my own life triggering some personal stuff.  My partner was rewinding the movie at times to see if he had missed something in the movie, that I had noticed and he hadn't, not understanding what had set me off.

 

I am on about forgiveness.  One of these soul touching moments, in the movie the person who they all looked up to as the leader (younger Polish Man ),  and the old American Guy were talking about forgiveness.  Forced by circumstance, the old man had gravely harmed  his son,  and from then on his life had been filled with self punishment and torment.  The Polish Man had had something done to him by somebody dear to him, which imprisoned him for his life, which was bound to be shortened after being lined up for working in the gruelling mines, hence the urgency of the escape (trying not to spoil the movie too much ).  The younger Polish man's main drive in life was to go back to the person who had betrayed him, so that that person could end their own suffering and torment for what they had been forced to do by circumstances, and be forgiven by him.

 

Well I find my life being guided so beautifully by events, as to discovering what is still laying unhealed in my soul.  My guides I am so grateful too, God and my beautiful aborted daughter. Basically this movie has triggered more of my grief of what I have done, and showing to me how much I keep myself in my prison of torment, that is so hard for my guides and my daughter to get through to me, to my heart, not my mind, that I am forgiven.  Even now as I sit here and type, I can only tell you how hard it has been to attempt to work through all of the feelings to do with having had an abortion.  There are waves of emotions rising, a little joy of acceptance of some of God's Truth, then some more rising of shame as a cellular heat and some more grief.  One day it will be all gone, that shame & grief, and I will be more willing to feel so much more of God's Love!!

 

I have also had some incredulous grief expressed of how much I have tortured myself, and the emotional realisation of causing all of my own health problems since around 2004 by not accepting emotionally God's Truth of Forgiveness.

 

Your Rain Is Love

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the Rai – ain
God I feel your sweet sweet Love
You have for me

My Dry Dry old heart
Was oh, so parched and shrunken
I thought I would never, never, never
Feel it again
I didn’t realise
How much you care for me
I can feel my soul and it’s reality

Reaching out
Wanting you
To know you
To feel you
To grow towards you
To love you, to love you, to love you, to love you
Voice instrumental

Your rain is Lov-  ove
A soothing, soothing balm, soothing
For my heart, for my heart, for my heart
My tears wash away
My fears, they’re not real, those fears
I am in your arms, I am in your arms, Iam in your arms,
I am in your arms, I am in your arms, Iam in your arms,
Voice instrumental in between...... ooooh ye-eeaaah
Written 30/12/2012
To a Jazzy/Blues beat key or Am, with keyboard and synth

By the Fire

 

 

By the fire
Alone, the quiet stillness....
Watching the fire burn through
To the different seasons of life

Howling with the full Moon’s silver gold light
Illuminating those flying clouds
That keep rolling by
Like a sped up film

Smoke trails, rising skyward
Joined by ashy sparks
Of Twinkling orange lights
All decorating the night

A silent bat flies overhead
Been feasting at a Ghost Gum
Standing tall in the night air
It’s blossom, a fragrance to entice
Flying creatures there.
A sweet nectar, sacred incense, offered to the sky

I am glad to witness the serenity
Sad at first, feeling aloneness in the dark
In my stillness, I was filled with the Truth
I am never alone
That you are real God,
Your child
I belong

Written 30/12/2012

The Silent Scream

 

 

Abortion video "The Silent Scream" from You Tube

How Far Will I Go

Well, I seem to post a whole bunch of stuff together, although there has been a time lapse in between writing posts. Still going towards THE WAY to GOD.
My partner and I have been busy, he has been undergoing treatment for Tonsil Cancer, and now getting over the treatment.  Which was Radiation & Chemotherapy.  Travel to the doctors in Brisbane, getting tests done, living in Brisbane in a flat for 7 weeks, travelling to and from home in the country, to check on the doggies, cats & Horse.  One of our little mates, (my partner's closest buddy)  Ducci the cat never to be seen again since the first week of treatment, just to get the ball rolling. That was a huge thing to have to go back to Brisbane and tell my partner. That little cat had touched our lives. One of the many events recently, they just kept on happening.  
Oh Boy, do our souls want us to feel!!!!!  My Law of Attraction has been so ramped up, I have been quite happy in the sense that I have been very open to feeling.  Although the feelings haven't been happy, but feeling better for it now.  My partner is moving along with it all too, but that's for him to say.
Have kept a bit of a diary, to keep myself on track. Written some poems.  Just gotta find where I stored them......... so some of that will perhaps appear in later posts.
After watching more on the Abortion Videos, particularly S2 noticing my addiction with males more, to please them, above what I want, compromising myself and not valuing my unborn child's life.  (this is starting to hit me a bit more now in my breaks from computer )     And allowing myself to start to notice, a big part of me did actually want to have a child, and be a family, I have been grieving that a quite bit. (I am not blaming it on the man here )  I have just recently emotionally realised my huge addiction with pleasing mummy and felt some causal stuff, if felt cellular.   I wondered, ok now, where is the daddy stuff?
The Big Clincher, I ask myself, why did I do it??  The abortion, that is. Well I know I keep harping on about the abortion.  If you watch the 2nd video about abortion, you will get to the part, where Jesus/AJ talks about after working through the emotional beliefs & causes, then you will have found a lot of emotional reasons of why you did a lot of other stuff in your life, and I know that this is just a huge thing in my life!!! 
I also ask, what are my purely selfish reasons to murder?  Big addiction to pleasing the man, and fear of losing the man, not wanting anything to stand in my way to blow my chances of a new relationship especially knowing that in his (man at the time ) first relationship he did not believe his girlfriends child was his own, and was resentful about the possibility of bringing up somebody else's  ( just so happened that his own father had brought up a friend's (who died in the war )  son as his own.....my partner at the time's brother, sorry if I am confusing.    If you have read previous posts about abortion,  you will have noticed that aspects of this have come up in the past.  But I haven't been to the depth of cellular emotions like I have felt recently with my feelings about my angry mum and my addictions to please the angry woman.
So I still new and haven't recognised my addiction in my heart yet, to want to please the Angry Man to feel loved, and the implications that that Angry Man.  I am knowing that I feel half baked, but the process doesn't want to hurry up, I don't want to feel that yet.  So all I can do is ask why?  I don't want to see the truth of how much I will compromise myself, and what act I will do to please a man.  This also brings me again to, how much I compromise myself and act out of harmony with love in my attempt to please angry people, male female, old, young.

Holding onto Unfogivness of Myself To Cover Deeper Injuries

I feel like if I don't want to be humble and feel my emotions, then the brighter spirits don't want to stay around me. Which is an indication when I am being unloving.  As they want to teach me about love, and they are acting in accordance with my will.  So that is when I relate to darker spirits again.  So the use of my will totally chooses who in the spirit world that I hang around with.

The brighter spirits, limited in their influence now because of my will.  "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make her drink".  Only she can do that and she needs to want it!!!  The will to die, has been a heavy one for you Milly.   We have only been able to help you in a limited way.  We are sorry that you can't focus on the way to God as freely as you once were.  Where have you gone wrong you ask?  What is your desire, Milly, what do you want?"

I seem to be moving further and further away from God!!!  And I am drowning in it.   Am I damaging my soul every day more and more?  Instead of walking towards God in learning the lessons of love. Obviously I don't want to implement some of the lessons, resisting change, afraid of taking action.   It seems like I am degenerating.  Is that, that I am noticing more about myself and not liking that, and walking away from it rather than wanting to fix it up in me, thinking that it is too hard?  Or I just don't want to anymore? Boiled down it must be that I fear to uncover more darkness in me that I judge myself over, more than my later adult things that I did, has that been easier to cope with, as I can turn around and blame myself. and not have to look any deeper.

So is that why I want to hold onto the unforgiveness in myself,  so I don't look any further and find out deeper causes, and injuries that I received and finding the real truth. Right now, in between the breaks of crying, my heart is really hurting, as these words are coming out of me.   I am so afraid of overwhelm.

Each time I let go of some more of the fear of overwhelm, I get a bit closer to not resisting it....one day just go there!!!

When You Are Ready, The Teacher Comes

Cushna came to visit me the other night!  He is such a loving spirit, and I wondered why his presence was with me? 

I have had a desire to teach children art, but I don't want to harm their souls, and I don't want to clock up more compensation on my soul in choosing actions that are out of harmony with love.  So I have been tentatively teaching art with some children !!!  I am afraid of harming them from the unhealed emotions,  and myself, as in clocking up more Karma (compensation & more things to be remorseful about!!
But I do need to take some sort of action on my desires! 

I have a small art class that is having a break at the moment for me to work through some emotions, and for the children to decide if they do actually want the art classes, and that it is not just the mother's wanting this for the children, as there is some behavioural things going on, being reflected at both me and the parents of the children, and some addictions wanting to be played out, unloving actions & demands from the older children.

So there is still a great deal for me to work through in my out of whack beliefs, a bit more desire to do it though, less desire to harm, and learning how I act in harmony with Love. 
 
I have been feeling like spending some more time with Cushna, who is a Celestial Spirit who particularly loves children, and is a caring person who teaches people who have a desire to help others, who is a teacher in a book "Through The Mists" (R J Lees ), learning alongside the other wonderful spirit who channelled the book through RJ Lees (a medium) from 1860's.

At the moment, in the book, we have all just visited a lady Marie (another spirit, as we are in the spirit world), after 20yrs of being trapped in a jealous rage and finally could not stand the emotional state of pain any longer,  is in the state of repentance for what she has done in her jealousy to other people, during her life.  She recounts her storey so emotionally! Working through her feelings, speaking out loud and admitting what she has done,  taking ownership what she has done, seeing & feeling different aspects of why she did it, feeling the remorse of what she has done, and then as the emotions move through her as a bodily experience, she falls in a heap and rests, another beautiful spirit ministers to her, and we all leave. 

Each time Cushna brings somebody who wants to learn how to help others, she is one of the people that they get to visit.  Every time she recounts what has happened, she is fully connected to the experience of it, and fully connecting to her sorrow, it helps her to forget it bit by bit!  Until one day, all of it will be gone from her!

So I thank the BlogSpot for helping me to speak out loud....to use my own voice to own what I have done, and I thank you for being my silent visitor!!

This has really touched me, reading this about Marie, and looking at my own life!  When I thought that my guides have not been with me, when I have been in my "pits of feelings, my yuckies, my dark side, and dark spirits, my self punishment, & finally my remorse...I realise now, this I feel is what I have been ever so SLOWLY working through my self, and with my guides watching & waiting with great care,  each time patiently waiting for me to keep feeling my remorse bit by bit, working though the different reasons why, what caused me to have no care for another's life, to take it as if it was nothing, and it was mine to do that!   Silently helping to guide me towards things to help me leading the way, when my will & intuition allow it!

My belief in my error, that what I believed to be true! FEAR, my ruler, my God.

A thin line, remorse & self punishment!  The remorse helps the soul heal, the self punishment harms the soul and helps me to stay in an addiction, a belief in that I am so BAD that I will never be able to have inner peace EVER (around the abortion issue, , I have had a friend reflect to me that, she would never be able to live with herself ( she has never had an abortion herself) and she feels sorry for me because she believes I will never be able to make peace with myself, she did say it is between myself & my maker..... I wanted to rebel against this, my Law of Attraction, and pretend that I don't really believe that I would never find peace!  Or be forgiven !  Sometimes people speak out loud to you what you don't want to hear that your own soul is saying to you.  Some times though, it is the voices of spirits, taunting you, wanting you to stay in a hopeless direction, and what they themselves believe!  But whose ever voice it is, it is telling you something about yourself, leading you somewhere into discovery of what is in your soul unnoticed or being ignored by you!

That really helped me to see my own self persecution! Of the punishment that I had decided in my error, that I deserved never to find peace for what I have done deserved never to be forgiven!

I can still feel that I have some emotions & errors around cruelty to others out of resentment of not being treated well, and expectations of others to learn the lessons of love, so as not to harm me.
And wanting to treat others as lesser than me, in resentment of being treated like I am lesser than others, to avoid the grief.
So I need to be humble if I can, and stay away from children I teach, when I am not.

In the past, working through emotions of not having had the experience of rearing children, wanting to feel like I am a woman, to fit in, to belong, if I have something to do with children.

At the moment (months later) I did not continue with the particular afterschool group that all met at one child's house.. It seemed unloving to continue the way it was going.  So it seems I am not ready yet.  I did some workshops a few months back, for the Holidays at the Gallery, and parts of it went really well., although, it seems though my persecution of myself was picked up by some of the children and I am treated at times not very lovingly.  They were a perfect reflection of what is going on inside of me.   I feel in a better place at the moment to address this treatment of myself and other children who are treated unlovingly, but I have decided that doing workshops with children at other organisations is not the way to go for me or the children under their rules and regulations.  I still feel it is too early yet to do more workshops as I feel I would be still inflicting my injuries upon the children.  Needing to work through some more beliefs in me.

2 Videos from the Divine Truth Channel on You Tube talking About Abortion

 

 

These videos are very informative.  please watch if you are contemplating abortion, have had an abortion, or miscarriage, or you have performed an abortion.  This could change your life and change others lives!  In the world there are 44 million abortions each year. You will come out the other end of these videos with a greater understanding of the Gift of Life, and much more.  

Prayer, Learning God's Language of Love & The Truth of My will controls what comes into & goes out of my soul!

It seems weird writing a post after such a long break.  Well went to Jesus & Mary's seminar on the weekend, about prayer, and am inspired again to keep desiring God's Love, to learn God's language of Love, as a human that I am.  I little babe, learning how to speak, with my heart! It is a bit pointless in me reciting what I have learned mentally, in my thoughts, though, as the soul learns by experiencing and feeling, the letting go of the error, and the acceptance of the love lesson in the Heart.
The process all starts with Asking for love, If I ask for love, then I expose a fear..........the date of the talk will be 23rd June 2013 if you look on the Divine Truth you tube channel.
 
This was one great leap, which I stumbled upon, not recognising the importance as such,  while ago that seemed to come natural at the time, was just wanting to Love God....at that time, this opened me up to God's love to a greater degree!!! I received the most astounding Love & Joy from God, can't describe the feeling in words as it seems clumsy in comparison.  The talk on the weekend reminded me again, Jesus & Mary termed it like a tug on God's clothing!!!  We all know how we respond to a little child wanting our love!!

Something since my one great leap, in me is resisting again though, so, in the advice that Mary gave us, that Jesus had given to her, was ask "what am I afraid of?"

Also the talk alerted me to me not knowing how to shift the focus on the false "truth "of my error! My Fear becoming my God. 

And another important message the slapped me in the face a bit to wake up MY WILL CONTROLS WHAT COMES INTO & GOES OUT OF MY SOUL!!  That was a biggie! That my will is totally responsible for all the crap, (kinda knew this intellectually, which is not knowing it in my soul, but the taking of the responsibility for it, for me seems to be a series of slaps in the face and feeling that emotionally!!!  That day it really hit me about spirits, has been a bit of a bug bear that they come around seemingly uninvited! (and I blame them!!) Wrong, very wrong....when I use my will & don't want to be humble, & don't want Truth, and use my Faith for believing in fear, & my actions are out of harmony of what acting (not sure if acting, has a good connotation, not meaning pretending, automatically doing an act of Love, without any thought) in harmony with Love is like!

"What am I afraid of?"...afraid to feel love!  what is it? Do I want to give love, or believe I can give love?  Do I want to receive love? What will happen if I receive Love?  Will I be expected to then do something that I don't want to do to have more?  Carrot & the stick, if I receive Love, will it then be taken away?  Do I  So I won't name too many, as I am not really feeling into it, so it is just intellectual.  But I am sure you can come up with quite a number of your own fears to work through emotionally!

I am also really pleased to say I have been starting to be in the presence of some brighter spirits a bit more now, as I was very much in the presence of some darker spirits that matched my soul feelings.  So I am not sure exactly what the difference is, a desire in my soul changed, some addictions that I no longer keep fostering....have been feeling into some deep causes, getting past the resentment, into the fears, getting into my own grief, and the grief of the grief, and I feel a slow change in my beliefs in myself changing.  A slow growth, but the foundations of me not so undermined & becoming stronger bit by bit!!! 

On account was around being a medium as a child, was told that what I was seeing wasn't real, so I needed to be dependant upon others to tell me what is!!!!!  Wow I could not believe how this undermined me so young!!!  How many parents in their not knowing what else to do, try to help their child's fears, and say something like "It's alright my darling, that's not real" I would not have realised the repercussions that it would have for the little child!!

Anyway that's it for now!  Milly :)  will put some links to some Divine Truth stuff on here soon, to make it easier to find things!

More on Abortion and what childhood emotional injuries would cause me to do that?

Why God, what would cause me to treat an unborn child like that?  Is the question in my heart this morning.....feeling remorse for how I rejected and murderously bullied my unborn child out of existence on this physical life.  I was reading a book... the guy who, as a child had been adopted by loving parents, and had been brought up knowing that he had been adopted, but law in that country made it impossible for the real parent to be found  (later in life was re-united ) ....his words that he felt when the child feelings inside of hit him were ...felt like he didn't deserve to be loved or even to exist!!!!"

I taught my unborn child this & much more,by having an abortion (written other blogs about other related emotions).......been feeling so much about what I did to my daughter, how I felt as a child.  I have these feeling inside of me of not deserving to be loved or even to exist also, that obviously I did not want to feel the cause of. The Law of Attraction comes to us in many ways...God shows us the truth in our day to day lives if we really want to know.

I asked the question what would cause me to do that act of abortion, my feelings have been coming out, at first I thought that I might burst with the gush of them.....you know down in the depths of the deep dark, uglies.......one of the major emotions (which I was unwilling until now to unveil that I had within myself)......a  murderous childhood rage at wanting to harm another (I was the youngest, there wasn't anybody else younger than me) somebody without any power to fight back, my rage (denial of the fear & grief of ) feelings of what was projected at me before birth, at birth, and during my child hood from parents & siblings, spirits...particularly my own sister & other spirits 'who felt the same as her & used her rage to act out their own rage & jealousy (mum's unhealed jealousy of her own little sister ).  I had been under threat since my birth as the youngest.  I did the same to my own daughter....knowing how that feels, only now allowing myself to feel the Truth, the true grief, I did that too, rather than what I have been doing until now, judging myself (to get away from feeling) as not deserving to be loved by God, and that it would be better if I didn't exist, as a punishment.  God is not a punishing God.  God loves me and already has forgiven me, but God's law of Compensation has been working on my soul.  The Law of Repentance is a higher Law, which requires me to be truly repentant in my soul, to find the real cause of why I did it and to feel that cause emotionally, that's when the Law of Compensation is no longer enacting on my soul, as I have chosen in my own soul to be repentant.

The childhood emotions around the subject of your own self, as a new born, firstly the parent feeling quite burdened already by the existing hungry mouths to feed, and how much work that it entailed caring for children, not the sex that was perhaps expected, all these unmasked feelings that are projected at you in the womb and as you enter the world, parents fears about money, baby in the way of having a sexual relationship, the siblings unmasked feelings of pure rage, jealousy and hate, feeling that it is your fault that they no longer get the attention that they want.  Also the many years & events of time spent sharing a room with the seething sibling.

From that young age I have beliefs like....there is something bad about me just the way that I am
That I am no good the way that I am.
Not knowing what I have done wrong, feeling that there is something inherently wrong, for that person to hate me, they just hate me
That I am unloveable

Displayed in addictions of.................such a huge desire to belong
a huge demand upon the world to be loved
A huge desire to become a chameleon, to not want know myself at all and  make myself into that person that I think that another person wants me to be, to get somebody to like something about me, and to accept me so that I get a feeling like I belong.

Feelings inside the womb fear for your existence, when the parents feel like they wish you didn't exist.  Fears outside the womb, for your existence when they still wish you didn't exist, or you siblings wished you didn't exist or acted on their rage....start to work out strategies as such a young age like....gotta get that person on side starts so young, not being your self, hiding how you feel, eg being cute instead of crying your guts out to get the "likes" cause people don't like a crying baby.
I remember having a healing once, in the healing, I had emotional awareness that I was in total denial of how damaging and murderous at times my own mothers feelings were towards me & my siblings......it was shown to be with a feeling of being stabbed in the heart, by a hand with a knife, continuously twisting that knife in my heart.  That hand belonged to my mother.  It has taken a long time to accept that, and to also get over the resentment of that, (my denial of deeper feelings & my demand to be loved) and to want to feel the fear & grief, and to put 2 & 2 together so that if finally clicked in my heart that I have done the same to my own unborn child, except I acutally got to live and experience my own life!!!!! she wasn't so lucky....now the shoe is on the other foot!  I was able to drop my resentment! coinciding with a good dose of Truth from God, my parents didn't get rid of me, and they did not murder me!!!!!!!  ......and just feel.

I had a whole list of fears ( for example, security based, fears of loss of love from parents, boyfriend, fear of not knowing what to do, fears of being just like my own parents) that were blocking my deeper darker Ugly feelings, which boiled down to I did not want to take responsibility for and love and care for a helpless dependant child that I brought into existence. I destroyed & discarded her I ignored for years that she actually had a real existence......and nobody would ever know here on earth, unless I told them what I had done. (the shame of the admission of what I had done, took me many years to even want to face what I had done ).    I did not have enough love inside of me to make a decision to keep my own child alive and care for her, like my parents did for me. My little unborn child did not get a chance.
 
I have discovered, I vented my rage(denial of my own childhood feelings) on somebody more helpless, that could not speak up for herself, and be counted and that I would not have to be accountable for. (not so through Karma, God's Laws of Compensation that immediately affect my soul ).  Our society in general doesn't really think much about a few cells growing inside a womb that a few weeks old, depending also what your parents teach you as well, and both parents can have opposing ideas about abortion (lots of stuff about this in other blogs I have written).

I have had a relationship with my aborted daughter in the spirit world for many years now.  There are some great talks from AJ Miller & Mary Luck AKA known as Jesus & Mary.  Have a look on Divine Truth Channel on You Tube, the Divine Truth website, www.divinetruth.com there are so many great talks on so many subjects, in this case, especially on Abortion and "The Secrets of The Universe" "God's Laws of Love", "Natural Love & Divine Love"about the existence of the soul.

Have you watched the abortion video on you tube called the silent scream?  I watched it quite a few years back now, it is a very helpful DVD to witness what actually happens to the unborn child.  If you want to know the Truth of the action, please watch it!!

I Wanted God to be a Parent on My Terms

 

Event that started stirring up some emotional feelings and beliefs

Feeling that I really wanted to go to a One Day Workshop on Raw Foods Preparation, but feeling like I can’t have it,  or do it,  as I have no money sitting in my hand right now to pay for it.  A friend offers to Gift it to me, which was nice but all sorts of feelings came up about that.....so I needed to go there!

Feelings like I didn’t deserve what I wanted, and not feeling like I deserved the Gift.  Feelings went also along the vein, that somehow I don’t want to live, to take the responsibility to feed and care for myself is too hard,  wanting to give up on myself.  Powerless.  Felt a lot of feelings around somebody hearing my voice and caring for what I wanted (wanting that, so I could avoid how I really felt ).   Also a realisation of how addicted that I could become with that type of relationship.  Some awareness too of the spirits in my life giving to me, when I was feeling that mum or dad or God didn’t, and how easily addicted I had become to them.

Also afterwards though, I felt that I would like to take action myself, book my own place, and see what emotions came up and my law of attraction as to whether or not I ended up being able to pay for it myself. 

It didn’t seem loving on my part to be relying on somebody else (and taking from them what they may need, not trusting that my own ability to give to myself ), to give me what I wanted, relying on a “middle man”, a mum or a dad to give me what I was “allowed” or “deserved” (and feel punished or rewarded ) to have and then in my addictions, and belief systems to feel like I have to give back to that person what they wanted in return for their generosity. (Although that person may not have had anything that they wanted from me, or felt that they had to repay  something that I had provided).

That was yesterday, today the feelings went into spirits having control of my life, via my uterus.

The trigger event was a dream the night before.  I was just relaxing, receiving a hug from an ex boyfriend, and my current partner was there, feeling very uncomfortable and upset.  I had woken up and felt upset that I had wanted the hug from that now friend, and it was satisfying and empty feeling in me,  that I didn’t feel when I was with him in the old relationship, and there was a sexual element to it.   I didn’t know if I was actually interacting with him in my sleep state, or whether it was a spirit (seeing in me the unhealed emotions....the colour of it in my spirit body )  and  providing  those feelings to me that I wanted satisfied. 

 Next evening while I was watching TV, I had a realisation of a spirit wanting to get back control of me via my uterus, as it swelled up slightly and felt tense. (intellectually, I felt that this tenseness was unexpressed fear of the spirit, although I did not allow myself to feel it ).

In the past, spirits, via my unhealed emotions about men, have aided me to do some not so loving things in having affairs.  I have not done any of that sort of thing for years, although still have the injury, and I feel I am being pushed into thinking about that ex boyfriend (by spirits), as thinking about sharing my sexual energy is almost the same as actually doing the act.  This is my Law of Attraction,(God’s messenger of Truth )  telling me the truth of the feelings and emotional beliefs  yet to be  felt through, still in my soul.  Also feeling the panic of spirits wanting to grasp onto me, as their connection to the earth, and their way of getting away from their own feelings via me,  having their own addictions met by me as their enabler. 

They have seen quite a few other spirits no longer having a hold onto me anymore, and are fearful of letting go of the life they seem to have some of control over,  not wanting to move into the spirit world fully by disconnecting with the earth sphere, wanting to stay earth bound.  Fearful that they will not have any way of controlling their experiences in whatever is beyond, that they do not understand.  (This is where I can come in and explain some things to them, if they want to hear them ).

Back to why I would want a man who is not my partner, who used to be, to give me a feeling that I feel is lacking in me, to cover it over, to blank it out for a short moment, to avoid feeling.  (spirits really aiding me in not wanting to experience  the seemingly simple enough feelings......these ones must have a lot of emotional pain attatched to them, that I am afraid of being connected to my body to fully experience them ).

I have had to tell my partner, and want to feel into my shame and why I am wanting sexual energy from another man, to get some feeling of “Love” satisfied.   What aren’t I getting from my current partner that I am addicted to, that the spirits can try to manipulate and give to me, to keep hold of their grasp of me, or why do I need several men to give me my addiction? 

Why do I want to be unloving to my partner?  Why isn’t one man enough?  Why isn’t my soulmate, the other half of me enough?  Am I addicted to a man that doesn’t want me, as opposed to having a man with me in my life (my current partner, who actually does want me!!!!!)  Why would I want to be not really wanted....a familiar feeling......getting some form of emotional satisfaction in a hug from an ex-partner, who never really wanted me when I was with him,  covering a feeling in me so that I don’t feel my grief of feeling that he never really wanted me, that dad never really wanted me.  Still wanting to believe that dad wanted me.  (This is a journal, which helps me see the where I am headed next in my emotional journey).  That pit of grief of that one, still has not been emptied yet!

The feelings this morning were a combination of these 2 trigger events that I mentioned.

It is interesting how the 2 events seemed to pair up, feeling into both mum and dad stuff in my relation to God, as God is both masculine and feminine and has both masculine and feminine Love to share with me.

Shutting down my emotions, my soul, my sensitivity to spirits, in my belief that I can make them go away, but then I can’t feel God as a presence.  If I can’t feel my feelings then I can’t connect to God.  I can only try to be satisfied through my physical body in my wake state, getting hugs and approval,  or my spiritual body, through interacting with spirits, and people in sleep state.

Feeling like I won’t be able to get past my addictions, shake of spirit influence, that it is too hard.  Feeling like I will never be able to get to God, to be “good enough” for God, some self defeating emotions, wanting to give in, it is too hard.  Others are getting there, but I am not good enough ( telling myself that I am not good enough, being in some effect emotions rather than the real emotions that caused those beliefs....takes me off on another self deceptive tangent )  That I need God’s approval, on whether I am good in man’s terms, which is not the Truth, showing me that I still do not understand in my soul, God’s Love for me yet.    

Angry at God for not making the spirits go away.  Angry at mum and dad that they would not make the spirits go away (and they did not believe me, and ignored me, were condescending to  me & belittled me )  Fearful of the spirits, and very much grief & fear about them being in my life and the effect they  seemed to  have upon me,  that everybody else was oblivious, or knew how to handle it, and that nobody seemed to care, do anything, talk about it, notice, and a great deal of powerlessness to it all.

With my addiction to wanting to be held, to be soothed, to make the feelings go away, rather than to be experienced.............

Nobody hears me

My voice and what I desire is not important to any one

I am unimportant

 Had some unexpressed baby or toddler rage come out, about not being allowed to have what I wanted, I don’t know what exactly it was, whether it be food when the moment I felt the hunger pangs, and feeling totally powerless as to whether I have somebody that can relieve that feeling in me.

Wanting a Physical God in the Flesh, or God to have a Spirit Body, Still not understanding the Soul

I have been wanting God to have a physical presence or a spirit body presence, so that I can feel that God is real, and grieving that as well.  Having it all on my terms, my demands.  Not wanting to understand and feel the Truth in my heart of how I can have a relationship with God, to put into practice what I have been intellectually learning.

Wanting God to make all the moves, to give to me!!!!!!  Not wanting to take the steps towards God, demanding that I be loved.    Where is the learning of Love is a Gift, in my injured little child in me.  To play it how I have learned though my emotional beliefs in error, that I learned in my life time so far, and the emotions that I received on incarnation while in the womb. 

Only wanting  God to fill my addictions, so that I don’t feel how unloved I feel, not really wanting God how God actually is, not accepting God, judging God. Not seeing the Tuth about God,  not understanding the Truth in my heart(which still carries the injured child’s damaged beliefs), only in my intellect, and really still wanting my addictions met by God.   

Wanting God as my pacifier a dummy, to be spat out whenever I felt like it.  Which God won’t ever do, or become. Not being able to be soothed anymore, talked to intellectually by spirits, or people, out of my feelings which is a good thing, but somehow missing being able to get away from my feelings....... so I can be soothed by falseness and white lies, and ignorance and pretence.....but it no longer being of any satisfaction, or holding any truth, being easily seen through.    Which is good as I actually want to see the Truth,  but  part of me doesn’t want to always fully feel it.  (bummer)

 And that is what stops me receiving and feeling God’s Love, absorbing that reality into my soul.  My errors first need to leave me as an emotional experience,  that I finally want to fully feel, to empty out the “container full” (my soul) so that the Love can come into that container, so that Love can come into me the way that God has Love for me, the way that in my mind, God has and endless supply, in quantity and the qualities of the Love that God wants to express to me. I can’t feel more Loved, until I am in a state of letting more Love in, that container (my soul) can’t be filled.

Unless I want to let go emotionally of my addictions to what I believe ”love” is,  I will only ever be able to imagine the width and breadth of God’s Vast Love(which is ok too, as this imagination is there to help me to grow my faith and desire, but sad if I don’t use it to my advantage)

To understand in my heart, the reality of a soul to soul Love surpasses by far the natural “love” that I have learned on this earth, and to fully realise in my soul that I can experience God’s Love in my condition right now (more recognition of the reality of my own soul ). ....only this belief & demand in the way.

My guides are telling me to keep fostering a desire to not give up, that eventually if I want it enough, I will rid myself of these addictions, these spirits, (but also be aware of their value to be the sign posts, to show me the road home, these emotional beliefs will change in my soul, my soul will change and grow ever more towards Love and become more in harmony with God’s Love.... and I will feel God’s Love more and more.  

My Guides let me know at some point too, while I was feeling earlier, not to get into the trap of replacing God with the foot massager that I have been recently using, and having great benefits from relief from spirits.  (me wanting to take things into my own hands and be in some sort of control, and not wanting to feel my feelings about what it feels like to have earth bound spirits and the wide variety of other spirits continually there).

God's love entering into your soul has such a great effect on the emotions that are out of harmony with love.   The amount of Love can be increased with your desire for it, your desire to feel Truth and desire to be humble and your willingness to feel every emotion. When the amount of Love being recieved is increased, then more emotional belifes that are disharmonious with love can leave, and the spirits along with these emotional beliefs.  If you can feel into why you are not so willing, then the emotions that are disharmonious with love can flow.  If you can do it with increasing amounts of God's love entering your soul, the whole process will quicken, over a decreasing of a period of time, your progression, will progress faster, rather than being such a battle.

The unwillingness only stifles these emotions, and only lets out controled portions of emtoions,  and lets in controled portions of Truth and Love.  The Love cannot flow in in geater quantities.  You can only feel a portion of the Love that is available to you when you willingness for Truth, Love and to be humble is not there so much.

The foot massager bucks the spirits off for a while to help you to be able to feel you willingness.  Rembering though, They are your "Law of Attraction"   Some thing in you is affraid to feel as you get closer to feeling those causes of those beliefs that you have formed, which helps the spirits to help you not to feel, you want that.

Ask God why you don't want to feel,  talk to God about what you are affraid of.....

Remember to talk to God,  to pray with every feeling that you feel. 

Thank you beautiful guides, why didn’t I feel to allow your voice through me earlier, although I have felt your presence, as a guide to my words and topic.(I did have to correct at some points when I din't quite write down what these beautiful spirit where trying to convey to me. 

And I appologise if I still have not quite got it right.  

As far as names of spirits go, and content, I still have fears of getting it all wrong, so ask God and your Guides when reading this message, and all of the things that I write, they will help to correct my failings.

Milly :)

Feelings with No Recognition Of What They Are About

Sometimes there is no intellectual recognition of what it is all about.  I had my feet on the electromagnetic foot massager tonight, watching “The Mummy 2”  Some feelings came up, and I just wanted to feel them through movement sometimes some baby like anger, or fear or grief (it felt like I was a baby. (could have been when I was in the womb?)

I feel better afterwards.  If you were watching, it would have looked pretty weird though.   You seem to know pretty much how your body wants to express the emotion out of you, the best way to, it feels like a relief, a way of relieving yourself of those feelings.  And then it is gone, and you don’t really know what it was about.  I had a little fear, wondering if it may have been spirit influenced, but since I did have my feet on the foot massager, I decided, nope, it is real, they are my own emotions, I am not wasting my time or fooling myself,  feeling spirits emotions instead of my own. (which I had done, a few years back, cause I must not have truly wanted to feel how bad I felt inside my soul, tricking myself into feeling the spirits emotions who were with me, thinking they were my emotions, and wanting to feel their emotions rather than my own........reasons  & addictions explained in earlier posts)

Milly J

Also, continuing from the previous post on jealousy, stuff with my sister resenting also feeling responsible for her little sister, and having been made to look out for me because I was little,  this became an expectation from me later in life.  So I now need to look at my unloving expectations in my teenage years, when I actually chose to share a house with her. To feel the truth of my own unloving behavior and unloving beliefs.

Jealousy

At times when I have been feeling into the grief after a bit of emotional processing, it feels like something leaves me.  Like an energy of  a colour.  Sometimes it feels like it is a spirit leaving me, and sometimes, just lately I have been noticing it is like the leaving of a residual colour of an emotion, as in a substance of emotion leaving my soul for good, no more to be in there, and now less emotion that is out of harmony with love, to leave my soul.  This gives me great courage to keep doing what I am doing, as I feel the change in me!!

The main trigger today was a lady telling another lady what to do continuously.  I wondered why that was around me today.  The crying came out later at home.  I was crying as some spirit women were taunting me, they were not connected to  me, I had been enjoying the electromagnetic foot massager, as they leave me quickly after that, and I have a bit of an emotional chat to them.  They were telling me things like they just wanted to drain my life from me dull the brightness and lightness in me, they wanted to drain my youth, to take it away from me, they wanted it and if they couldn’t have it they would take it away, and whatever else I had that they didn’t have they wanted to take it off me, my quality of life, wanting to make my remaining years here on earth not very enjoyable.  So much grief came up as to why they would treat me like that.

Emotions that started to come up were related to my sister’s jealousy and rage at me arriving on the planet taking from her some of Mum’s and Dad’s love.   It was such a terrible feeling, especially being fuelled by the spirits that connected to her in her rage.  Whatever was bright and beautiful about me as the new baby, little toddler, child, little sister, who adored her, or just wanted to please her and her spirits to stop them from hurting me so much, just doing what she/they wanted, and often darkening myself to get approval .  This deep feeling inside of me that came from somewhere...”I is my fault”  I always wondered why I had that feeling in me, that I had to make up for something that I had done.  It wasn’t my fault, I was just born, these ladies have been picking on me since a small child as if I was still their little sister, taking it out on me, because of this feeling inside of me, believing it is my fault, and that my sister and they are “right” in blaming me.

There was some feelings also about my sisters anger at being made responsible by parents to look out for me, take care of me. 

What a big hook that they have had into me and that I have had in them.  It did feel like I was a fish on a line, that when I was close to getting away further from them, that they would reel me in, back to them and influence  me strongly, so that I would do something that would darken myself, to keep me closer to their own darkness.

I felt so strongly, tonight, that colour and substance leaving me!  And I feel like something has changed permanently, that that particular emotion can no longer be used as the doorway into me.

I did ask the ladies instead of blaming me, that they look at their own emotions that they had towards their sibling, and instead of taking out their anger on me, I actually did nothing wrong by being born, I am not the cause of their feeling, that they could allow themselves to feel into the cause, just like I have just done, (not blaming them for my grief, just feeling it& they can see that that colour of emotion no longer exists in me or is a much lesser quantity ).   And if they have had spirits bullying them, since when they were last here on earth encouraging them into being a bully to their siblings, and to others on earth now, like me when they themselves are in the spirit world, no longer on earth, and bossing them or me around to do things that darken their souls (of course I have had to look at why I wanted their approval and did what they wanted me to do.....to fit in, in my effort to try to get them to like me & stop projecting jealousy & rage at me, what emotion I was avoiding feeling.....their jealousy of me and the pain and grief of that). 

A t some point to progress, then they will need to have a chat to those ones who boss them and what they are afraid of feeling, just as I have to them, as I am no longer going to take the blame anymore.  That they now have the opportunity, now that they are no longer attatched to me, to explore the spririt world, rather than to hang around the earth plane, continuing to  bully another person like me, each time that they do that it darkens their own soul even more. To challenge these other bossy women, who are bossing them into darkening themselves more  and others,  all they will need to do is say NO.  I am not doing it any more.  And there will be bright spirits that come to help them, to grow in Love and become bright, which is Love and change the darkness in their soul if they really want it.

They can be helped, they can grow their own soul in love, they are not destined to be in ”in hell” forever (which is just a place that reflects their soul condition (amount of love in them, until they get sick of it and genuinely want to do something about it, and that is when they will be ready to grow towards love and accept help from God and the Brightest spirits, which are reflecting the Love in their souls.  They are so developed in Love, they will never hurt them they only want to help them if they are willing to be helped.  

So this moment now, is a great opportunity now for them to reflect on all of that, while they have detatched from me, after being with me for such a long time and allow their own progression towards love to happen.

That is pretty much what I said to them to help them want to reach out for help. Milly J

The Prayer for Divine Love

Our Father who is in Heaven,

we recognize that You are all

Holy and Loving and Merciful

and that we are Your Children,

and not the subservient,

sinful and depraved creatures

that false teachers would have us

believe.

We know that we are the

Greatest of Your Creations,

and the Most Wonderful

of all Your Handiworks,

and the objects of

Your Great Soul's Love

and Tender Care.


We know that Your Will

is that we become At -one

with You

and partake of Your Great Love

which You have Bestowed upon us

through Your Mercy

and Desire that we become,

In Truth,

Your Children through Love ,

and not through the sacrifice

and death of any of

Your Creatures.
We pray that You will

open up our Soul's

to the inflowing

of Your Love,

and that then will come

Your Holy Spirit

to bring into our Souls this,

Your Divine Love,

in Great Abundance,

until our Souls are transformed

into the Very Essence

of Yourself,

and that there will come to us

Faith - such Faith as will cause us

to realize that we are truly

Your Children and one with You

in Very Substance,

and not in image only.

Let us have such Faith

as will cause us to know

that You are Our Father,

and the Bestower of

Every Good and Perfect Gift,

and that, only we ourselves,

can prevent Your Love

changing us from the mortal

into the Immortal.


Let us never cease to realize that

Your Love is waiting

for each and all of us,

and that when we come to You

in Faith and Earnest Aspiration,

Your Love will never be with held from us.


We thank You for Your Love

and the Privilege of receiving it,

and we believe that

You are Our Father-

the Loving Father

who smiles upon us in our weakness,

and is always ready to help us and take us

to Your Arms of Love.


We pray this with all the earnestness

and sincere longings of our Souls,

and, trusting in Your Love,

give You all

the Glory and Honour and Love

that our finite Souls

can give.

Amen
Jesus - Teaches us how to pray

to God for His

Gift of Great Love

Received by James Padgett

from Jesus, Dec 2 1916


"This is the only prayer that

men need offer to the Father.

It is the only one that appeals

to the love of the Father,

and with the answer

which will surely come,

will come all the blessings

that men may need,

 and which the Father sees

are for the good

of His creatures.


So my brothers, continue to pray

and have faith,

and in the end will come

a bestowal of the love

like unto that which came

to the apostles and disciples

at Pentecost.


Without sincere longings of the soul,

the words themselves

are empty and go no further

than our escaping breath.


for more information

on the Padgett Messages

and Divine Truth and Love go towww.divinetruth.com.au


Divine Truth Channel on You Tube, Wizzard Shack

"My Story" blogspot

God's Way of Love Org

LIVING LIFE AS AN EXPERIMENT

This is my life experiment.  It gets pretty scary at times, so I just go there and feel the fear and uncertainty, but God and my guides are there to help me, although at times I can’t feel them, when I don’t want to really know the truth, so then I really need to find out why I don’t want to know the truth, when I do want to know and willing to feel, God and my Guides can help me.  

This life experiment,  is driven quite often, by wanting to discover the emotions inside of me that are related to healing my body from fibroid tumours.  At times I have many people reflecting something to me.  When it is fear for example,  I know I need to look at my own fears related to the transaction with this person.  
And how I truly feel about trusting the process......being the way that God wants me to come back into harmony with Truth and Love, that in the end heals my soul, which heals my spirit body, which heals my physical body.  

The process being, healing myself, at the soul level, by fully experiencing the emotions that have been unexpressed since childhood, that cause me to believe emotional untruths and act on these untruths.  Once experiencing the emotions bodily, rather than going out of my body when these feelings come up, to get away from them, involving God in the emotional process, which in reality I have found is True Prayer.   True feelings, True emotions, directed towards God, my True Parent.
When I allow these emotions out of harmony with Love,  to flow out of me, this allows my soul to have the capability of allowing new Truth, and more of God's Love to enter into my soul, causing it to expand and grow.  I experience this new Truth emotionally, and all there is left now is to act on that new Truth with faith.   Each time more of God's Love enters me, I grow in Love, and I act in faith, I am automatically more loving, without "trying" with my mind to be.  When I have to TRY to be loving, I have not really learned the Truth emotionally in my heart, I have not let go emotionally and let the old truth flow out of me..... 

I first heard about this process in 2006/2007 from my friend, a new friend, the most loving person I have ever met, you could feel the love emanating from him.  He had been on this particular path for quite a few years.  Somewhere in me what he was saying really resonated deeply, and seemed to fill in the whole picture, the missing bits, the bits of things that never made sense otherwise there was always something missing, until now.  I felt so strongly that I had found the Truth, and I still do.  The friends name is AJ Miller, also Yeshua.  Yes, the one that was alive 2000 years ago and  has learned how to reincarnate, to come back to tell us the real Truth of how it all works, and his Soul mate Mary Magdalene, Mary Luck, in this life.

If you want to see more information of what I am talking about, look into www.divinetruth.com , You Tube Divine Love Channel through Wizard Shack, God’s Way of Love org.  There are lots of Seminars and notes on every conceivable subject. 

Now if I have lost you, I am sorry that I have not been able to explain it in a way that you would accept it.  You might be thinking....that nutter who was all over the media!  I have known Yeshua for many years now,  and he is not what the media has portrayed.  If any of you have had anything to do with media, you will know that they always go in for sensationalism, and slant the story to suit what they want to say, and to sell papers and add space, and whatever else comes with it.  

I find the best way to investigate something is to really look into it...even try it on,  see how it fits, if you decide you are interested in it, then it is totally your choice, you may be missing something good on someone else's say so.   After you have had a bit of investigation, and even experimented a bit, stop whenever you want, go back to whatever you were doing beforehand, if it does not feel right for you.  When you have done some investigating for yourself, then from your own conclusions, you can work out if it makes sense to you or not, see for yourself the truth in what the media says about it being  “the cult” (which is one of those hot topics and brings fear to many of us, often blinding us with fear).  From what I have worked out, looking at the seminars and allowing myself to work through my emotional addictions,  I have become less and less able to be controlled.....by society, males and females, and spirits.  As I have lost my emotional addictions to getting approval from others and addictions to “looking good” & “looking Cool”, I have been gradually losing the fascade that I show to the world, (that I have used to protect myself from harm ) and am becoming, more open, softer, more open in my heart,  more real and authentically me!

I might seem weird when I talk about God and spirits, and many years ago, I would have thought that myself.  Yes, I have changed, but I feel the change is for the better.  I am not controlled by society and what others think that I can think, do and say.  This is not out of resentment, but out of healing emotions in me that my beliefs and fears have dictated that “I be a good girl” and just do without question what others want me to do to get approval, that I am allowed to be me, whoever I am, however I am.  Which is so opposite to what I have been as a child, teenager and young adult.  I was so needy for others approval of me. (to avoid real emotional causes inside).

Many smaller illnesses that I have had in the past have been slowly disappearing.  I had huge digestive problems that I could not put on weight, no matter what I ate and no matter how hard I tried, mould in my blood, allergies, skin troubles,   I can now sustain my weight and put weight on easily if I want to, the allergies and skin troubles have gone as well, my blood is good and my acidity levels have gone back to normal.   Painful and heavy periods, have changed DRAMATICALLY.  
I also have an Electromagnetic Wave Foot Massager (this is the few weeks I have been using it )which has also had a great effect on the bleeding as well, although the bleeding has been getting lesser and lesser.   The week of my period I use it twice a day rather than once a day, as this helps me to stay separated from the women spirits who influence me during this time. Often their influence in the past has caused me to bleed much more.
My self esteem has grown so much, I am a much more confident person, I am much better at expressing myself, to men and to women.  I have been becoming less and less under the control of spirits (I had a lot of spirit influence), depression is gone, and want to inhabit my body more and more, my body has more and more strength, I am loving it more and more, loving life more and more,  as I release lots of grief out of my soul about not loving  my life, and not loving how I was/am feeling at different ages to now.  Although there are still many emotions to work through, I feel that I have some great success so far!!!! 

Anyway, my life has become one big living experiment.  My aim is to find what emotions cause fibroid tumours, which still are there in my uterus, and effect my life.   If I am successful, then others who find that they have fibroid tumours and are seeking for alternatives, may read this and think, well it worked for her, and I can see what the emotions were in her blog, or wherever they end up finding out from, that it might make sense to others, and it may be a sign post to the way. 

If I am unsuccessful, then I guess I will be a spirit at some stage, and will learn more about it from my Celestial Friends, and when I have healed my spirit body and soul from these emotions,  and if I still have a desire to be of some help to our brothers and sisters on earth and earthbound spirits, I will be assigned a person or people to help, to perhaps help point them in the way, if they desire, that have had similar experiences to my own.  So either way, whether it is sooner or later, I will hit the nail on the head, and be able to heal myself, and help others who have similar feelings.   My aim is to show the way to get this help, for spirits, to learn how to help themselves, so that when they have healed the emotions in themselves and they still desire to help others, then they will be Truly be helpful.

It is the search for a cure for fibroid tumours that led me to this point in time.  Initially this was the drive.  Along the way, I have found that I really do have a desire to get to know God! 

That doesn’t mean that I cannot use the Medical profession and the alternative medicines practices to help support the health of my body.   I have learned a great deal about investigating illness and looking after my body myself, supporting my health, rather than being so dependent upon doctors to cure me. 
But I do need to work through my emotions and fears and judgements and beliefs in error about  the Medical Profession and medicines as well, that if we are left with no other alternative can have life saving qualities!
If I don't work through my fears, I will just get exactly what I believe in/fear.  
I tried many different ways of healing, as when I first found out I had fibroid tumours, I had been wanting to become pregnant,  and certainly not finished with my uterus.  And the Doctors could not give me any guarantees that if I went in to hospital to have tumours removed that while I was under and had signed that bit of paper, giving them the responsibility of me and making decisions on  my behalf, giving them full permission to do what they decided, not really knowing me, making these decisions for me... they could not guarantee that I would come out of it with a uterus still intact. Leaving myself in a position of having no say, and having to make the best of the consequences of other peoples power of the decision making upon my life. 
So maybe I better see if I can get into some more emotional beliefs that I have, that still cause me to live in fear, rather than to experience it!  So that I can make use of whatever is on offer to me to help support and heal my body.!!!

 If it is that I believe that I cannot trust somebody as in the example that I gave above, about not being able to trust if I would end up with a uterus intact when I woke up, then that is probably what I would get, if I did not empty the fear out of me by experiencing the emotions bodily and changing the way that I feel, what I believe, when new Truth’s enter me when I receive God’s love, as the error goes out of me.

Some times in my life that I may need to revisit emotionally, to see what fears and beliefs I still have....

I did have my tonsils out when I was 3.  Mum had her tubes tied, when I was a teenager, dad was drunk and told us that “your mother isn’t going to make old bones”.  So us 3 kids were thinking that mum was going to die.  Didn’t find out till I was an Adult, what was really going on (mum and dad never talked to us kids about anything  like that, did not really treat us like we would understand , or needed to know )  Mum didn’t know until about 4 yrs ago that dad actually told us all that she was going to die.   I have had some processing about this. I guess if more is going to come to the surface, than now will be the time, while it is in the “cooking pot” or Law of Attraction, at the moment.

Dad had a hernia operation, and developed  cancer years later, and was in hospital a few times for big operations related to the cancer.  Visiting dad in hospital, and seeing him die in hospital.  People going to hospital and not coming out, dying, or going to old people’s homes.  Absorbing emotional beliefs about Doctors and Hospitals from my family & environment.  I feel that I still have more emotions to feel into around dad's death and Doctors and Hospitals.

When I first heard that illness in your body is caused by emotions, I thought that is weird, how can that be, Doctors say it is caused by this and Scientists say that, where is the proof, that can’t be right.  If I had stuck with that belief.  I would not have healed all of the other incidental things that I have occurred in my health, to this point of time......with all of the other side effects, this very WHOLE..... ISTIC way of healing, has had a simply amazing effect on the rest of my life!!!!